I went to a training today for work. I'm not always thrilled about attending these things, but I go because...well, I have to. Usually, I'm bored out of my mind and spend the day playing a silly word game a psychology professor once taught me or writing poetry. Despite the fact that I was sitting next to one of my favorite people in my work world, I started to work on a poem that's been in my head for well over a year. I stood before the wind as she moved across the land and she kissed me with the sweet touch of the breeze. She asked me just to lay back and trust where she would go and she'd carry me to find my deepest dreams. That's as far as I got, and the first two lines were already done. Finding the will to write was an exciting moment for me. I think I'll finally be able to explore words again. and I'm processing so much about life that I really need that outlet. One of the things I'm processing is a new awareness of myself and a new level of self-

I haven't been sleeping well for the last few...years. This is nothing new. I'm a chronically light sleeper who wakes up at the sound of a butterfly sneezing in Africa. Or the first crack of light emanating from my alarm clock in the darkness of 3 a.m. And I can't sleep when there is any light around. I've been sleeping on a sofa bed for the last few days, and it is positioned directly under two large south-facing windows. The light begins seeping through around 6 a.m., and from then until whenever I finally officially wake, I attempt to sleep with my head wedged between two pillows. During this time, I have some interesting dreams. This morning my dreams were all conversation-based, and each one carried the theme of "conversations you wish people could really have in this world." Let's just say, in the not-so-perfect dream world, men were open, honest, and forthright about what they were thinking in relationships. I was bold and unreserved about what I re

The title of this post is one of my favorite lines from "Dharma & Greg". It's from the episode where Dharma tries to crawl under the door of a bathroom stall and can't because of her...well, ample bosom, as she says. I always think of this line when I try to go clothes shopping. Shopping for clothes is usually not a fun process. I don't exactly have a body shape that fits anything trendy. If it fits in the bust or the hips, it's WAY too big in the waist. The arms are often too short or too tight for my taste. Most pants are too long for my legs. And dresses...well, dresses are almost impossible. The waist always seems to hang just below my hips. And then there's the color problem. Most everything in my closet is black or navy blue, with a few fuschias thrown in for fun. I also don't wear patterns. At all. I'm mentioning this because I went shopping today. I hoped to find some new shirts, but no such luck. Why is that clothing designers only see

Have you ever read the short story, The Lady or the Tiger? The language is rather archaic, but the premise of the story will haunt you for weeks. A man and princess are madly in love, but her father doesn't want them together. He treats the man as a criminal for loving his daughter and punishes him by placing him in an arena and forcing him to choose one of two doors. Behind one door is a fierce tiger that will immediately eat him. A beautiful woman waits behind the other door, ready to marry him. The princess, of course, finds out what is behind each door, and she signals to her lover which door to choose. That's when the story ends, and you, as the reader, must decide whether she allowed her lover to live the rest of their lives with someone else or die. I've always maintained that she watched him die that day. I find it hard to believe that someone who has experienced such passionate torrents of love could ever continue life knowing that the former beloved is still brea

I should be posting pictures of my recent trip to Siesta Key with Christy. But I don't have them. I should be showing off the pictures of canoeing down Rainbow River . But I don't have them. I may be finally accepting things as they come. And then again, maybe I'm still reeling in the stew of my irrational fears that brought me to the brink of a breakdown last week. But life is good, and I like knowing that I can say that right now, especially since I had one of those days that could have easily run amok! I woke up this morning thinking that I was going to a training this week. Once I drove the 45 miles to the training site, I found out that I didn't have to go. I was certainly angry about the waste of time, but I also very quickly realized that I had a very real answer to my recent prayers: time. So I stopped by the gym on my way home, mowed most of the property, snuck in a nap, and managed to clean out a closet. I need this time to go through my home and remove the cl

I'm faced with a new feeling lately that has taken me by surprise. The freedom of choice. For most of my life I made all my decisions through an eternal process that involved hours of thought and consultation with others and debate over the pros and cons of whatever I was facing. Then there was always the consideration of how my decisions would affect other people. As a result, I didn't go to college when I really wanted to; stayed in bad relationships too long; and refused to leave jobs that made me miserable. I've learned a lot about myself and my beliefs in the last few years since I've had to make a decision that only affected me. The most valuable lesson is that I'll know when the time is right. (This means that as long as I'm hemming and hawing, it's not time to pick a side.) The next most valuable is that life is a series of decisions, and even if I make a bad one, it's not the end of the world. I'm perfectly able and content to jump in and go

So I woke sometime in the middle of the night to a not-so-delightful smell like burnt rubber in my bedroom. My first thought was that my livingroom lamp was protesting the fact that I left it on all night. Before I left for work, I ran around unplugging anything that I could unplug. When I got home earlier, the smell was even stronger. Fortunately, some clouds rolled in so I could turn off the air conditioner and open some windows. I immediately got online so the internet could tell me something useful like how to pour ammonia in bowls or line the room with vanilla candles. It turns out that skunk smells are often described as burnt rubber. Great. I know for a fact that there was a skunk outside just a few days ago. I've heard the rumblings of a little critter. There are a million cats around here who could very easily coerce a skunk into releasing it's oh-so-special fragrance. I'm a firm believer in starting with the most likely/least damaging scenario...when it's some