Is it just me, or does life seem to seep out in pieces? Even when we seem to be blindsided by news or events, they still often crept up on us in a slow, steady pattern. (The surprise, I think, is usually the result of our own blissful ignorance.) It's a bit surprising to me what can happen when you have way too much spare time and take up a running habit. Perhaps none of you are as surprised as I was this week when it finally dawned on me that I am finally near the end of a fourteen-year weight loss journey. Twenty-five pounds to go. 25 pounds. Fifty-three pounds ago, this moment seemed so far away. I used to resent seeing articles in magazines talking about the last 25 or 10 pounds. I could never seem to get there, no matter how many carbs I cut or hours I spent on the elliptical. This time, without even realizing how my body has been changing and eating a steady diet of convenience food (Boca Burgers are the most amazing product ever created!), the pounds have seemed to almost ru...

I know I've been absent lately, but I just really haven't had much to say. To me that line seems like a total cop-out, but it's true. Sometimes there just aren't words to express what's going on in your life. I'm learning to accept that. I picked up a copy of "Their Eyes Were Watching God" at the library a few weeks ago, and I've been reading it as I find a few quiet moments. One passage, in particular, has echoed in my head, and it perfectly sums up how I've felt. "There's a basin in the mind where words float around on thought and thought on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feelings untouched by thought." That's where I've been lately. Let's face it. The gulf of formless feelings doesn't exactly translate well to the blog world. The new year (and a long overdue photography session) has rejuvenated me somewhat. At least my will power seems to...

Last night's t.v. time was a complete delight. Sigh. I so needed that, especially when I realized this afternoon that sitting on the toilet was the highlight of the day because a) I was home; b) It was quiet; c) I didn't have to think about anything at all. Sigh. I caught a glimpse of my ever-expanding waistline in the mirror last night, and it dawned on me that I have to stop this trend. In the last 18 months I've managed to gain back the 40 pounds I lost 2 years ago. This summer I joined a local gym, and we were going fairly regularly. I bring my gym clothes with me each day with the hopes of stopping by on the way home. I just can't seem to get into a routine. I know that once I have an exercise routine down, the weight will come off fairly easily. That seems to be the trick for me. I can eat a diet of lettuce or ice cream and see the same results, but some time of the treadmill works wonders. If I can ever get there. My back seat is still stocked with this week'...

Don't you just love lightbulb moments that blindside you? Those never-saw-it-coming epiphanies? I had one today. It still stings. Although I tend to be an open book, this epiphany was just a tad bit too personal for me to write about here. Let's just say that my twelve years of weight struggle suddenly became crystal clear while I drove home today. And I still ate a leftover breadstick well after dinner when I wasn't really hungry. In a somewhat related note, I decided that I want to follow some of the Christian traditions this year that always fascinated me, but didn't fit in with my Southern Baptist upbringing. It looks like I'll be starting with Ash Wednesday and Lent. Lent scares me, but I'm giving it a valiant effort. For the next few months I am giving up shopping for non-necessities. This is really a sacrifice for me, and it actually fits in with my epiphany. This scares me. Ugh, I have some shopping to do tomorrow. I've got to find some placemats tha...

Some people collect coins. Others collect books. I know a few people who collect ex-spouses. Apparently, I collect exercise DVDs. I have enough DVDs to do a different workout each day for six weeks. I'm not entirely sure how this happened. Each time I go into a Ross or Big Lots, I scan the DVDs. They snuck up on me, really. But at least I have a quick reference for those moments when someone wants to know the difference between Mountain and Cobra poses or just the right way to sway hips during a hula dance. These are the important things in life, you know. This obsession will come in handy starting tomorrow. I sat down at my computer and created my own gym schedule. My "gym" is closed on Tuesdays. Sundays are reserved for Qigong and Tai Chi. Mondays will be yoga and Pilates. Wednesdays is conditioning. Thursdays will be dance of some sort. Saturdays are for hardcore cardio. Then I dutifully organized all my DVDs in chronological order. It's the only piece of my life t...