Earlier in the week someone included me in a statement about "strong women", and my initial reaction was such shock that I spent the rest of the day trying to come up with a definition of "strong woman". How do you define "strong"? I still don't have an answer. I'm not even close. What I do know is that I certainly don't feel strong. I cave too often to peer pressure. I long to be part of "the group" so much that I throw my principles out the window with ease. I run from taking responsibility for my own feelings and prefer to hide my ideas for fear that someone won't "get them". For the most part I feel like a weak chameleon bumbling through a life comprised of other people's decisions. So now I wonder...what makes someone strong?

I've had a recurring dream for the last year or so that always seems to involve the same group of people. The situations change, but the people and the feelings associated with being around them remain constant. I believe very strongly in the power of dreams. Whether or not they are just random images being sorted by the sleeping brain or unconscious messages, I firmly believe we have them for a reason, especially when they repeat. This morning I woke from that recurring dream, and I think I finally figured out what it means. The people in the dream are real people from my life, and they all have something in common. They took a dream away from me. This realization has had me thinking most of the morning. How many times have I relinquished or allowed someone to take a dream away from me? Far more than I like to admit. How many times have I taken a dream from someone? I'm not sure. It's a sobering thought. And you know what? It's kept me from dreaming. With this in mind,...

This week is Spring Break in my neck of the woods. So far I've used my time well. I slept for 10 hours yesterday and last night. I think I could go back to bed right now. But that won't happen any time soon. I'll be spending the rest of today editing my uncle's book. I'm really looking forward to finishing this, partially because I have some other things to work on, but mostly because I really believe in this message. I think it will be in print very soon, so I'll be sure to keep everyone updated.

I'm playing d.j. tonight. My two colleagues have been teaching clothing terms to our students who have recently arrived in the country, and one of their culminating projects is a fashion show in which the students could choose to either model or read and then had to work together to write a description of the clothing. Needless to say, this has been a fun project for high school students. My part is the music. I am not a discoverer of great music (I'm loving Ray LaMontagne, Christy), nor do I claim to be a musicphile (I think I made up that word) or historian. However, I do know what I like and have a rather extensive collection of what I like. House/Techno music just happens to fit that category, and I think it's a good match for a fashion show. So in between trips to change the laundry and get tomorrow's lunch together I'm listening to some old (read 90's...when did my music become retro?) techno dance music. My big chore right now is making sure I don't c...

As you now, we sold our house last summer to some family friends. We, of course, were thrilled to be able to sell and relieve our one-income budget. They loved the place and the school district. It seemed like a perfect fit. We loved that house and the neighborhood, and we felt sure that they would too. But the neighbors have been royal pains. Last night I heard about the headaches they were causing our friends. So far the neighbors have cost them thousands of dollars, one of their dogs, and their peace of mind. I just don't understand why someone would be that hateful. That's what it all comes down to. What is it that pushes someone to go out of their way and spend all their extra time actively seeking to cause problems for someone? I. Just. Don't. Get. It. I'm angry. No, I'm pissed about the whole thing. For one thing, I feel partially responsible. We assured these people that our neighbors were wonderful people who were always friendly and who looked out for me w...

I'm really trying to follow through with this whole "growing a farm" thing. This week a dear friend of mine gave me 21 tomato plants to take home. Most of them already have tomatoes growing! I brought them home and planted all of them. Some are in pots, and some are in a not-so-tidy row of land I cleared by hand. Add these to the two tomato plants I already have, and I have 23 tomato plants. That means a whole lotta canning at some point in my future. Feeling inspired by my gardening, I bought a small tabletop greenhouse. I still have a stack of seeds ready to sprout. I had some great success with the last set until I move the sprouted plants outside. Only one survived, and I have no earthly idea what kind of plant it is. I never thought I'd reach the point of my life when gardening is fun. But it is. And the more I learn about commercial farming (especially outside of the U.S.) the more determined I am to grow my own fruits and vegetables. In fact, if we really knew ...

When we were teenagers, my sister and I were addicted to YM Magazine. Our favorite section was the "most embarrassing" moment page where teens from across the country shared horror stories about being caught making out with their boyfriends or getting a very public monthly surprise. In that spirit, I bring you the following tale. My dear friend, Nadia, and I decided to go to the beach last Saturday. Going to the beach with me is quite an experience, and you must either really love the beach or me to put up with the process. I'm terrified of sunburns (and suntans) to such a degree that I layer an un-godly SPF sunscreen all over my body, insist on laying under an umbrella, and usually cover up with an over-sized beach towel. My umbrella was damaged, and I needed a new one, so we stopped at Costco where Nadia had seen one at a great price. I needed to make a pit stop in the restroom. It was just my luck that I chose a stall with a lock that unlatched every time someone close...

Do you ever want to run away? I do. Right now. I want to pack up and head out. As usual, I'm overwhelmed and desperately trying to find some semblance of balance. I'm not so good at that. As it stands, I'm really thrilled that I managed to wash the dishes tonight *and*rearrange the stacks of papers I need to grade that were scattered across the table. That's the highlight of my day...until I wash my hair. Where would you go? My dream escape takes me to just about anywhere I don't know the language. I think it's comical that someone who loves communicating in any form would want to run away to a place where there would be no communicating. Then again, the only reason I ever want to run away is to find some solace in my solitude. I know that I recharge best when I'm alone. One of the things I've discovered about the "people" in the book I'm (will be when I get a free moment) working on is that they are all running from something. They've ...

I bought a miniature greenhouse yesterday. It's basically just an egg crate with a plastic cover, but I am so excited about the possibilities it presents. I've dreamed for a long, long time about growing my own food, partially because I'm paranoid about pesticides and mostly because I resent buying produce from other countries when I live around a more than 500 acre farm. I already have two tomato plants growing. They are both three feet tall. Last night, I created a chart in my journal that outlines the growing season. I then planted eggplant, corn, radishes, beans, cucumbers, artichokes, and pumpkins in my greenhouse. I will start some lettuce, broccoli, and spinach next and plan to keep them inside since the temperature will most likely not dip below 45 from now until December. My plans eventually include pomegranate, avocado, mango, and citrus trees. I keep threatening to set up a stand on the side of the road this summer. Does that mean I could call myself a farmer?

I think I finally have a story ready to come out. Loss seems to be the big theme for me lately. Who am I kiddng? Loss is the theme of my life. And if you're honest, it's probably a major theme for yours. Isn't that why we fear change as much as we do? The story I'm working on is centered around 6 people (or pairs of people) whose lives intersect in a completely benign way. In my head it's sort of like Pulp Fiction meets Exile and the Kingdom. So far, I've met 4 of the people and heard about their losses: dreams, hopes, plans, identity. The funny part of writing is the way you see the characters and listen to their stories. That's where I am right now...walking around the place where these people are connected and listening to what they have to say. (For some reason, I think they're in Mexico.) I hope I do them justice. I enjoy listening to stories, especially when I don't feel the need to react and respond. Soaking up another person's words is a...

Alan and I went out this afternoon to do a little shoe shopping. He desperately needed new shoes, and I couldn't wait to introduce him to my favorite shoe accessory--overpriced inserts! Sports Authority had a huge clearance sale on shoes, and we were greeted by four tables of shoes for the bargain price of $29.97. He immediately grabbed three pairs, tried them on, and in less than ten minutes selected a pair. As a comparison, it takes me more than ten minutes to decide which pairs to try on. After we picked up some inserts, we paused briefly to look at some shoes on the wall. One of the employees asked if we needed help, and we assured him we didn't. (After all, we had everything we came in to get.) As we turned to walk toward the register he stopped us and told us that he was required to put some stickers on our merchandise or he would get in trouble. Neither of one us fell off the turnip truck yesterday, and we both agreed that the stickers must be just a way for him to get c...

I've been meaning to share some of these for a few weeks now. Here's part of why I like what I do. These responses are from some of my students' papers. Part of a character analysis essay about a girl who prefers to run in a race instead of dress in frilly white dresses to dance around a maypole on May Day: "She don't understand why her mother wants her to be a pole dancer." The opening sentence of a paragraph about why someone hates to do laundry: "Do you like touching people's underwears?" Written at the top of a student's paper for English class: "Teacher: Ms. P Subject: Chinese" The opening line of a frame poem based on Langston Hughes' "Dream Deferred": "What happens to my shit? (supposed to be "shirt") Does it get lost?"

I ran my first 5K race yesterday. It was the Walk for Paws benefit for the Naples Humane Society. The air was a delightful 40 degrees with a crisp breeze. The native Floridian in me was completely comfortable in a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants. The control freak in me was extremely anxious about the details of the race, and my brain raced through ideas like finding the starting line and hoping I wouldn't be the last one to cross the finish line. I didn't know if other people would bring their iPods, so I left mine in the car. I worried over where to place my number on my shirt and whether or not I would look like a complete dork when I ran. The whole experience was a blast. We all started with a light jog, but it wasn't long before I fell behind my friends. They ran the entire course. Since I've only been training for two weeks, I did my run/walk alternation. I was in HEAVEN! For a little more than three miles, I let my mind wander and thoughts run wild with every st...

Last week I signed up for the Iron Girl 5K run in Clearwater. My friend, Sundi , mentioned it on her blog, and I completely fell in love with the name. Sundi's fitness journey has been an inspiration to me, and somehow it just seemed fitting to get my feet wet with this race. The Iron Girl is also a convenient location for my former workout buddy, Jen, to meet up with me. Jen started running back in October, and she will be running Gasparilla next month. We're going to do Iron Girl together in April, and I think this will become at least an annual event. Running a race together, that is. At Jen's recommendation, I'm following Jeff Galloway's training schedule. This means I had my first long run today. I laced up my new Nike Pegasus shoes, slapped on a sports bra, and headed out. Today's goal was 1 mile, running for 30 seconds and then walking for 60 seconds. I knew I was out of shape. I just didn't know I was THIS out of shape. I mean, I used to run on the t...

The only part of the new digital conversion process that I like is the fact that now I get 4 PBS stations. I am a self-proclaimed PBS geek, and this week the channel has regaled me with biographies of the presidents. Here are a few things I learned this week. 1. The American people were overwhelmingly against any involvement in World War 2. They felt that it was none of their business and they didn't see the need to lose American lives to a cause that wasn't their own. Of course, all this changed with the attack on Pearl Harbor. What I found interesting is that that's not the way we remember that time period. The commentaries and reports were eerily similar to much of what we here today in regards to our current involvement in world affairs. 2. Harry Truman was a remarkable man. He was unable to go to college because his father lost everything the family had just as Harry graduated from high school. Harry took a job at a bank where he was liked and respected, but his father...

I mowed yesterday. Believe me, this is more of a feat than it seems. I've never before operated a lawn mower. Every time I mentioned this (because I never do anything new without announcing it to at least 7 people) to someone, they'd say, "Oh, just pull the string and push." That's great advice, but we have a riding mower. A very expensive riding mower with lots of buttons and switches and better shocks than are on my car. The thought of being responsible for this piece of machinery scared the snot out of me. Not only did I have to worry about somehow breaking the mower, but Alan was going to have to explain to me how to use it. Over the phone. Let's just say his directions and my brain don't always make a connection. Sure enough, we ended up in a delightful blow-up over a lever he insisted was to the right of the steering wheel. He had to call someone to verify that I was telling the truth when I said there was no lever to the right of the steering wheel....

I stopped by Beall's this morning to browse through the clearance racks. My youngest niece needs new clothes. (She is only 7 months old, but she is already wearing 9 to 12 month clothes. Her height is certainly from my mother's side of the family.) It was 9:02, but they had not opened the doors yet. I stood outside with an older couple. He reminded me of Kramer, very tall and slender with curly hair that hovered over the top of his head. They both looked at me when I walked up to the door, and I asked, "They haven't opened the doors yet?" He walked over to hear what I asked. She glanced back and said, "No, and it's after 9:00." I smiled and thanked her. The man then looked at me and pointed to the Beall's Outlet next door. He said something about the store. I thought he was asking if they were open, so I walked over. Lo and behold, they were, and I called down to them so they could see. About 10 minutes later I was walking through the regular Bea...

I know I've been absent lately, but I just really haven't had much to say. To me that line seems like a total cop-out, but it's true. Sometimes there just aren't words to express what's going on in your life. I'm learning to accept that. I picked up a copy of "Their Eyes Were Watching God" at the library a few weeks ago, and I've been reading it as I find a few quiet moments. One passage, in particular, has echoed in my head, and it perfectly sums up how I've felt. "There's a basin in the mind where words float around on thought and thought on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feelings untouched by thought." That's where I've been lately. Let's face it. The gulf of formless feelings doesn't exactly translate well to the blog world. The new year (and a long overdue photography session) has rejuvenated me somewhat. At least my will power seems to...

Dear Blog, I am so sorry I have ignored you for the last few weeks. It's been a busy Christmas season. Even though I've technically been "on vacation" I've still had exams to score, gifts to buy, and more running around than I EVER like to do. My niece, Mariah, has been here since last Saturday, and this is the first day I've actually had a moment to post anything. We're actually at the library now uploading pictures to Walgreens so we can print them out and put them in a scrapbook. That's our final activity, nicely wrapping up the week. We went to the beach twice. (I'm in southwest Florida, people...it was 85 degrees!). Clam Pass in Naples is one of my favorite beaches. We rented the Aqua Cycle and soon discovered that it looks a heck of a lot more fun when you watch someone else in it. Lover's Key State Park is a delightful spot in Fort Myers. We did go swimming both days. Yes, we're both Florida natives. Yes, it was cold. Yes, it was a b...