Today was a blast. Hamburgers. Hotdogs. Bratwurst. (Oh, my!) Potato chips. Rum punch. Key lime pie. I floated around the swimming pool on my $1.50 Wal-Mart float along with Nadia and Sarah. Alan played pool. The dogs watched and dreamed up plans for joining me on the float without getting their coats wet. (They are made of sugar, you know, and will melt like the Wicked Witch of the West when wet.) We ate and told stories and laughed and soaked up the sweetness of the sun and friendship (and my dear one's grilling skills).
After the sun set, Nadia and I stretched out on the pool deck and watched the homemade light show and talked. (Earlier today I bought a floating pool strobe light and could hardly wait until the sun went down so I could try it out.) As I stared into the blue and green orbs below, I was struck by the moment itself. Two people outside talking about life. In my book, life doesn't get much better than this. I realized all over again that the moment was a very special gift for me.
I spent the better part of my childhood taking care of my family and worrying about their well-being and trying desperately to be a "good girl" so my parents wouldn't worry about me the way I worried about them. I missed out on a lot of typical kid stuff...like pool parties with friends...because I was (1) too afraid to be away from home that long in case it fell apart without me or (2) too afraid that I wouldn't fit in at the party. And here I was tonight, feeling very much like a teenager (the good parts, anyway), and not worrying about my home falling apart without me and not worried that I wouldn't fit in. I guess I can't accurately describe here just what I was feeling, but this wasn't the first time. God finds ways to give back to me those moments I missed because of a situation entirely beyond my control.
While we were talking about everything from men to our own psyches (with some pop culture thrown in), I was struck with how all of us stumble through life. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood with perfect parents in the perfect family. It's a myth. And we all face the insecurities and trauma of adolescence. The bottom line is that there is no one on this planet without life scars. The Third Eye Blind lyric pounded in my head, "Everyone has got to face down their demons." I started to cry.
This world is filled with broken people. It breaks my heart...not that we're broken...but that we refuse to acknowledge it. I can't help but wonder what would happen if we would go ahead and let the world see behind the facade. What would happen if closed the puppet show and lived on the outside of the curtain? You see, this is also part of my gift tonight. It's been a long time since I've actually taken the moment to think like that...and allow myself to feel such an overwhelming sensation. Two years of therapy are finally beginning to piece themselves together. How exciting!
Thank you, Lord, for these gifts today!
After the sun set, Nadia and I stretched out on the pool deck and watched the homemade light show and talked. (Earlier today I bought a floating pool strobe light and could hardly wait until the sun went down so I could try it out.) As I stared into the blue and green orbs below, I was struck by the moment itself. Two people outside talking about life. In my book, life doesn't get much better than this. I realized all over again that the moment was a very special gift for me.
I spent the better part of my childhood taking care of my family and worrying about their well-being and trying desperately to be a "good girl" so my parents wouldn't worry about me the way I worried about them. I missed out on a lot of typical kid stuff...like pool parties with friends...because I was (1) too afraid to be away from home that long in case it fell apart without me or (2) too afraid that I wouldn't fit in at the party. And here I was tonight, feeling very much like a teenager (the good parts, anyway), and not worrying about my home falling apart without me and not worried that I wouldn't fit in. I guess I can't accurately describe here just what I was feeling, but this wasn't the first time. God finds ways to give back to me those moments I missed because of a situation entirely beyond my control.
While we were talking about everything from men to our own psyches (with some pop culture thrown in), I was struck with how all of us stumble through life. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood with perfect parents in the perfect family. It's a myth. And we all face the insecurities and trauma of adolescence. The bottom line is that there is no one on this planet without life scars. The Third Eye Blind lyric pounded in my head, "Everyone has got to face down their demons." I started to cry.
This world is filled with broken people. It breaks my heart...not that we're broken...but that we refuse to acknowledge it. I can't help but wonder what would happen if we would go ahead and let the world see behind the facade. What would happen if closed the puppet show and lived on the outside of the curtain? You see, this is also part of my gift tonight. It's been a long time since I've actually taken the moment to think like that...and allow myself to feel such an overwhelming sensation. Two years of therapy are finally beginning to piece themselves together. How exciting!
Thank you, Lord, for these gifts today!
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