Skip to main content

I Fully Expect This Post to Be Misunderstood By Someone

I yelled at God the other night. I sat on my porch soaking up the damp night air and poured out my heart to Him. My frustrations and fears came gushing out amidst the sobs and gut-wrenching pain deep within my soul. The pain was physically real.

At one point, I lashed out with something about how angry I was at Him. Yes, at Him. After all, He's the great creator of everything. He holds in His power the ability to anything...ANYTHING in my life. And yet, for now, he's chosen not to do one thing that I want more than anything else right now.

I swear, I could see Him smile at me that knowing smile as He listened to my great display of bitching and moaning. His response was just as clear as could be. "Yeah, you're right. So if I'm the one who can do ANYTHING and knows EVERYTHING, don't you think I would if it was the right time?"

This certainly was not the answer I really expected. Nor is it the one I really deserved. Yet, I can say I walked away from that experience with a new knowledge of God's power. I never before realized that I really do believe in miracles. I really do believe that God has the ability to literally do anything in my life: real, tangible ANYTHING.

And I sense a deeper presence in my life than I did before. There's a lifted veil in my soul, and I truly believe this is what a relationship with God is all about. The place where I can be real and through that honesty offer whatever I have to Him.
Labels:

Comments

Christy said…
No misunderstanding here. I think He wants us to be open and real with Him. It's not like He doesn't know what's going on inside anyway......
Hang in there (as much as that sounds like a platitude....sorry for that) - you know where to find me if you need an ear to bitch to.
4:41 PM
frabjouspoet said…
Thanks! I knew you'd get it. I obviously agree about being open and real. It's just funny how long it took to finally get to this place of being real.
5:13 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stalking a Pirate

Prepared we were not to cross Captain Jack's path late in the summer of ten, with the sun bearing down as we wandered the town where the Koreshans once lived. But he nodded. We smiled and went on our way, rolling it all in our heads. We giggled and talked and suddenly stopped to turn back and run after him. You see love for a pirate and sailing the seas rest deep in a gypsy girl's soul, where she dreams of the day he will take her away to find a new place in the world. So we followed his swagger as he wound through the woods and stopped to take in the sights. You know when chance comes to call you must answer with all because sometimes she doesn't seek twice. There we tracked Captain Jack on the seashell lined path and dreamed of the life that he lived With his swashbuckling ways that man made our day late in the summer of ten. You know love for a pirate and an adventurer's life lie deep in a gypsy girl's soul, where she dreams of the world she has yet to explore an...
2 comments
Read more

Trying to Keep It All Together

The title of this post is a bit of a misnomer. Just this morning I said, "I'm having a hard time getting it together right now." I'm in one of those periods when showing up is the best I can offer, and I can't even guarantee that. That said, I just popped on here to share that I'm struggling. I'm dealing with a lot of loss right now. Some of it is easy to spot. Some of it I've tucked away because it's either terribly painful or terribly embarrassing--at least to me. Some of it was inevitable. Some of it was a surprise. All of it rises up into the center of my chest and begs me to stop for a moment to acknowledge it. It's doing that right now even as I type this. I'm having a hard time getting it together right now.
Post a Comment
Read more

Warning Signs

This post has been sitting on my computer for the last few weeks. In the wake of this week, the message seems even more appropriate. *** For several months now, the service engine light has been on and off...mostly on. I've taken it to the mechanic several times, and he's pulled the code and checked out all the usual suspects before calling me to pick it up. There have even been a few times that it goes off on its own. And then comes back on. It's a bit of a waiting game, as I'm waiting until someone finally figures out what's going on. I was thinking about the service engine light this morning on the way to work and comparing it to how many times in life we talk about missing the warning signs. It's a convenient response, kind of like, "stay strong" or "she's in a better place now." Those empty words that fill an uncomfortable space and are usually best left unsaid. The truth, which sometimes seems to be messier, is that warning...
Post a Comment
Read more