The wee hours of the morning are my favorite time of day. The world is still and filled with a subtle sense of promise just before the new day unfolds. I've savored this precious time across the country and never seem to get enough of it.
But I like this time on my own terms. This morning I was wide awake at 4:00. I looked at the clock, closed my eyes, and tried to drift back into what slumber I could still get in the next hour. No such luck! Instead, I crawled out of bed and went out to my porch to enjoy what I could.
This wouldn't be such a big deal to me, but I haven't slept in 3 days. I've been waking every hour, and nothing is worse than opening your eyes just to see 1:00...2:13...3:07...4:42. I'm not a big fan of sleep, but I do like to get at least 4 or 5 straight hours of shut-eye.
I'm coasting through my day on energy fumes!
Anyway, if I've learned anything in my time on this earth, I know to listen to my body. Something's up in my world. I don't yet know what it is, although I do suspect it. I'm trying to listen to my instinct, which is right now telling me to take a few deep breaths and focus ALL the energy I have into myself.
It's hard for me to do that. By nature, I'm willing to give myself away until my hands bleed. I even have a plethora of scripture that tells me I should do that. Yet, I cannot escape the nagging feeling that the next few months *need* to be about me.
Sigh. I'm trying. Tomorrow I am going to get my hair shaped (trying to grow it long, but it's a bit messy right now, so I just need it cleaned up). I plan to color it again (sticking with the medium brown for now). I'm catching up on the housework and finally started to get some control over my work stuff.
Me. Me. Me. It's hard to accept that sometimes it's okay to be self-focused.
But I like this time on my own terms. This morning I was wide awake at 4:00. I looked at the clock, closed my eyes, and tried to drift back into what slumber I could still get in the next hour. No such luck! Instead, I crawled out of bed and went out to my porch to enjoy what I could.
This wouldn't be such a big deal to me, but I haven't slept in 3 days. I've been waking every hour, and nothing is worse than opening your eyes just to see 1:00...2:13...3:07...4:42. I'm not a big fan of sleep, but I do like to get at least 4 or 5 straight hours of shut-eye.
I'm coasting through my day on energy fumes!
Anyway, if I've learned anything in my time on this earth, I know to listen to my body. Something's up in my world. I don't yet know what it is, although I do suspect it. I'm trying to listen to my instinct, which is right now telling me to take a few deep breaths and focus ALL the energy I have into myself.
It's hard for me to do that. By nature, I'm willing to give myself away until my hands bleed. I even have a plethora of scripture that tells me I should do that. Yet, I cannot escape the nagging feeling that the next few months *need* to be about me.
Sigh. I'm trying. Tomorrow I am going to get my hair shaped (trying to grow it long, but it's a bit messy right now, so I just need it cleaned up). I plan to color it again (sticking with the medium brown for now). I'm catching up on the housework and finally started to get some control over my work stuff.
Me. Me. Me. It's hard to accept that sometimes it's okay to be self-focused.
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