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With Intention and Integrity...

I've been chatting with my brother this morning. He has a new girlfriend now, and this seems to be a bright spot for him since his divorce. This sort of conversation is the perfect breeding ground for a reflection on the past, and we've already covered the ideas of life paths and consequences.

This perfectly coincided with a conversation I had with Nadia yesterday in which she reminded me that we recently made a pact to leave our baggage behind as we move ahead. (I have to admit, though, that I've been keeping mine on rollers.)

My personal struggle is rooted in the fact that in any relationship I've had, I've either been cheated on or been the back-pocket girl (the one left behind when something better comes along). It's a place in my heart buried in scar tissue, and no matter how much I trust a man, in the back of my mind is the lingering wonder of when he's going to find something better than me.

The sad reality is that we have all been deeply affected by the people in our lives, and sometimes that effect is harsh and painful. I said to my brother this morning that I truly wish we could all live our lives with intent and integrity...making choices that lead us to our goals and with respect to everyone.

Can you imagine how different our world would be?

Even with this train of thought I have a choice to make. I can stroll down the memory lane lined with the people who have hurt me through their own lack of intention and integrity, or I can use this as a reminder that I want to live that way.

It's not easy, that's for sure. Sometimes it's difficult to know what I want in concrete terms. Sometimes I want to lash out and seek revenge. Sometimes I want to take the passive route in an attempt to absolve myself from the consequences of intention.

But that's not fair to me. Or anyone else.

For now, I'm working on the intention piece...using what's in front of me to determine where I want to go next.

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