During the last week or so I've been dealing with some heavy, heavy feelings of jealousy. They hit me hard, and I struggled to suppress them. I talked. I let them fester. I really tried my best because every Christian instinct in me said these were bad, bad feelings.
I've switched my sleeping habits lately and started waking at 3 a.m. This has always been my favorite time of day. No one is on the computer. No one is available by phone. I am alone with my thoughts and my music and my journal. So far, I have discovered many different pieces of myself that need to be reigned in and adjusted.
In the process I discovered that jealousy is directly tied to feelings of being invisible and unappreciated, and the words of one of my foreign friends echoed in my head. "You need to take care of yourself."
As a result, I decided to do one thing each day to make myself happy. One thing. Yesterday, it was a walk in the dark. I tripped four times and was doused by sprinklers. Today is was cutting the grass. I lost the key to the mower and the sun set before I could finish the whole project.
What I've discovered is that the one thing--the one action--to make myself happy feels really, really good. This idea is spreading. One of my friends decided to take his son to get ice cream. Another decided to cut the grass. Another went to the gym.
It feels good to do something for myself. I know that my focus should be on others sometimes, but I think I've lost myself in that process. For now, there's one piece of my day dedicated to making myself feel special.
And you know what? I'm already looking forward to what I choose tomorrow morning.
I've switched my sleeping habits lately and started waking at 3 a.m. This has always been my favorite time of day. No one is on the computer. No one is available by phone. I am alone with my thoughts and my music and my journal. So far, I have discovered many different pieces of myself that need to be reigned in and adjusted.
In the process I discovered that jealousy is directly tied to feelings of being invisible and unappreciated, and the words of one of my foreign friends echoed in my head. "You need to take care of yourself."
As a result, I decided to do one thing each day to make myself happy. One thing. Yesterday, it was a walk in the dark. I tripped four times and was doused by sprinklers. Today is was cutting the grass. I lost the key to the mower and the sun set before I could finish the whole project.
What I've discovered is that the one thing--the one action--to make myself happy feels really, really good. This idea is spreading. One of my friends decided to take his son to get ice cream. Another decided to cut the grass. Another went to the gym.
It feels good to do something for myself. I know that my focus should be on others sometimes, but I think I've lost myself in that process. For now, there's one piece of my day dedicated to making myself feel special.
And you know what? I'm already looking forward to what I choose tomorrow morning.
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