Skip to main content

Opening Up

As I've had the time, I've been reading an amazing book by Brene Brown. Brown is a shame researcher in Houston, and her book, I Thought It Was Just Me, but It Isn't, has been life changing for me. In the book, she shares some of her research on shame and vulnerability, and the most profound piece of information I've uncovered is that we all feel shame, and we're all deeply afraid of it.

Like I said, it's changing me. I'm very aware now of what I say to other people. I'm also very much aware of situations which stir my own feelings of shame. To do this, you answer two questions: How do I want to be perceived by others? and How do I not want to be perceived by others?

I want to be perceived as authentic, empathetic, free-spirited, creative, and joyful.

I don't want to be perceived as stupid or mentally unstable.

Problems arise when either of those perceptions are challenged. The funny thing is that the two ways I don't want to be perceived are most definitely two characteristics that could almost never be applied to me. Yet, I fear them. I've succumbed to the words of people that were intended to strike at the heart of those fears.

And thus enters neurosis.

This is changing now. Since I am aware of this at work in my life, I am quicker to ground myself and quicker to shift out of the dark well of shame. The reality is that perception doesn't always equal truth. Perception shifts like the sand along the shore. Truth is constant.

I like truth.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Restless Soul

Someone recently told me that I have an impulsive streak. ("Just an observation, not a criticism.") My initial reaction was to vehemently deny that statement despite the fact that I had just confessed to walking into Total Wine and buying $200 worth of wine just because it seemed like a good idea at 11:00 on a Thursday morning. Me? Impulsive? Don't answer that, especially if you know the truth. I shared this with my therapist yesterday and his eyes lit up when I said, "I think I have a restless soul." The fact that his eyes lit up is significant since we spend most of my sessions arguing with each other about ideas like whether or not a book he recommended is filled with psychobabble bullsh*t or why I should do a bit more thinking with my heart instead of my head. For once, he agreed with me and quickly pointed out that this is not necessarily a bad trait. In fact, it's what stirs my needs to explore and to write. It's also the reason why I don't, by...
5 comments
Read more

Gators and Bees and Snakes...Oh My!

Let me preface this by pointing out that we have a deaf, epileptic Great Dane, a one-eyed cat, and a slew of young cats outside that we just haven't been able to part with. Love for animals abounds here. It seems we have a critter fest going on around here lately. In mid-September there was the Great Goose Massacre courtesy of a visiting alligator. Two weeks ago we had the Invasion of the Bees that left nearly 100 dead bees in its wake. Last week was the Demise of the Rattler. Alan heard a strange sound when he walked out on the porch last Sunday. He thought at first that it was a large dragonfly caught in the screen. It turns out that it was a rattle snake, coiled up and ready to strike. He says that he will never get the rattling sound out of his head, but I think he was a bit more freaked out at the thought of watching one of the kittens get struck by the snake. (Bonsai was apparently completely willing to risk his life to investigate the snake.) His first words to me when he pi...
5 comments
Read more

So Not the Party Girl

In an effort to be more social, I agreed to participate in the first annual cookie exchange at work this morning. I've never done an cookie exchange before, and that fact alone didn't bode well for my social phobia, perfectionist tendencies, and leeriness about eating food from other people's kitchens. But I persevered. My grandmother recommended her favorite cookie recipe (which is actually a cake recipe--cut into bars). Last night I whipped up a delightful batch and licked the icing bowl clean...after I spread the bulk of it on the cookies. I wrapped everything in some plastic bowls and topped them with a Christmas bow. All was well until I was 1 dozen cookies short. At 10:45 last night I drove 7 miles to the nearest store (Walgreens) and then drove another mile to the Winn-Dixie for powdered sugar. I washed dishes as I listened to Letterman, and I was finally in bed around 12:30. And up again at 4:45. The cookie exchange was DELIGHTFUL. I laughed as I sipped black coffee...
6 comments
Read more