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I Only Wish I'd Realized It Sooner

I read this quote in a magazine last week: "What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner." It spoke to me in such a degree that I ripped it out of the magazine in the waiting room--a larcenous act I would not normally commit.

I look back on the last twenty-nine years I've walked this earth and realize that Colette's words could easily roll off my tongue. My life's tapestry is woven with memories that span from holy to hellish...innocent to scandelous...ecstatic to morbidly depressing. From this vantage point it's a beautiful testament to my Creator and His ability to redeem my soul. Walking through much of it has left me at times shamed and afraid and giddy, but I wouldn't trade those moments because they have all pieced together to form the woman I am today.

Still, all these experiences have left me still yearning for something more. I'm starting to believe that the greatest challenge of my life is bucking my capacity to skate through my life. So much comes naturally to me that I've often chosen to take the easier road instead of the one that will feed my spirit.

Deep within me, I know what I want. I know the vision lurking in my heart waiting for the moment to be unleashed. And yet I fear it. Can I really do it, or have I been fooling myself into believing a lie? Will I make it? What if no one else understands me? Is it worth it the risk? Did I wait too long?

I've already taken the first step. One manuscript is already in the hands of a literary magazine. This is scary. This is downright shake-me-to-my-bones terrifying. This is real life...

Comments

Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
Get it, girl!
<3 Christy
2:40 PM
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