Me: Why do you think people choose to live or camp in Alaska? Student: Because they want to have fun there. Me: What do you think people do for fun in Alaska? Student: Play with bears. Tutor: What kind of game do you play with bears, hide and seek? Me: I think it's more like Tag.

My homeroom this year started out with 7 boys. I thought it was a misprint, but nope. There really were only 7 bodies in my homeroom. I considered this God's way of repaying me for last year's penance of have 2 rival gangs in my homeroom. But that's another story. Today, a co-worker of mine mentioned to our principal that she has 27 students in her homeroom. That may not seem like a big deal, but think about the work involved with keeping up with your own children's paperwork. Imagine that 27 times! The principal was shocked by the number, and my friend said something about my homeroom. The principal smiled and said, "Yeah, but two of her three blocks are off the charts. Let's give her a break." That may not seem like much, but with the days I've spent wrangling with these teens, it was like telling me I figured out time travel. 75% of my students are legendary in the discipline office. The fact that I can make them stand in a line or apologize when th...

I thought I'd share my classroom rules with you. Stay in your seat. (I’m not much taller than most of you, and I need to see the entire room.) Get your work done first. (It really is more important than finding out who is mad at each other.) Talk only to people in your group. (You are separated from certain people for a reason.) Use markers and pens only on your paper. (No desks. No skin. No other people’s work.) Use inside voices. (No one wants to hear you scream.) Keep your head up (At least pretend to pay attention.) Remember to eat in the cafeteria. (I’m not a waitress anymore, and I don’t want to watch you eat.) Show respect to everyone in the room. (No name-calling. No fighting. No touching. No throwing.) And for those of you who wonder what happens if you don't follow the procedure... 1. Ignore one of the classroom policies. 2. Roll your eyes when the teacher asks you to stop what you’re doing. 3. Talk during instructions. 4. Raise your eyebrows, slam your hands on a de...

When most people hear that I am a middle school teacher, they sigh and give me that look. You know the one that goes along with, "You are such a trooper." Yes, middle school sucks. It sucked when I went through it, and that part has not changed. No one tells you before you walk in the classroom door that most of your day will be spent wrangling and pleading and praying that you don't say something that will be misconstrued by a parent or media outlet. I usually find myself laughing sometime during the day about what comes out of my mouth in the course of those interesting 7 periods. Here's some of what I said today: "Please don't kick boys in the knees. Ladies don't act like that." "Yelling is only acceptable at sporting events, to stop someone from running into traffic, or when someone is beating you to death." "I guess I just like them better. What kind of question is that?" "I asked you to please stop talking. I didn't...

We went to see Charlie Bartlett this weekend. I think the last movie we saw together in the theater was the first National Treasure movie. Wow, that was a long time ago, especially since we don't have the excuses of traveling jobs or kids. I was pleasantly surprised and delighted by this gem of a film. As we sat in our seats watching the scrolling credits, I breathed, " Robert Downey, Jr. was so awesome that I want to rent everything he's ever been in and watch it all." My sweetie gave me a crooked smile which means he knows me well enough to accept that I won't ever have time to do that anytime soon, but he doesn't want to issue me a dare by voicing that out loud. But, really, he was AWESOME. I've never before watched a movie and thought, "What a brilliant performance." Oh, it was. His performance was the only thing that got me through the one sex scene in the movie. I mean, for the record, teenage sex scenes are just plain creepy. Right? I sat...

I ate my breakfast Monday morning in the bathtub. Yep, and it was delightful and felt a little naughty. In fact, I wondered why I have not tried this before. So I followed the rabbit trails in my head and considered other areas of my life where I need to escape my rather narrow ideas of what's acceptable. There's quite a bit there, and I needed to remedy this. So I did. * I hung only 1 towel on the mostly decorative towel racks. (We're the only ones who use the bathroom anyway, and we usually throw our towels on the toilet seat or over the shower curtain.) * I didn't worry about my unmade bed or the toilet paper roll sitting on the floor. (After all, it's not like Good Morning America is going to show up unexpectedly at my house wanting a live tour or anything.) * I went to work with Crocs on my feet and capris on my legs. And I didn't shave or wash my hair. * I looked a kid in the eye today after he told me I wasn't being fair and said, "Yeah? Well, y...

"What's going on with you today? I should not have to ask you to stop talking more than once." "It's your fault. You put me in a group where you knew I would talk." "Okay, so do you want me to move you out of that group?" "I'm not saying that!" (Slumps down in chair.) "Then what are you saying?" "I'm saying that you knew I would talk in that group and you put me there anyway. I don't know why you did that." "You talk in every group I put you in." "See, you know that. Why did you put me there?" "Okay. So you're gonna talk no matter what if you're in that group?" "Yes." "Okay. So if you're gonna talk in that group, then do you think you need to move out of that group so you don't get in any more trouble?" "I'm not telling you what to do! You're the professional!" "I'm glad you know that." (Suppressing a laugh.)

So far, this school year has been...well, just different. Of course, my mascot has changed, the map is shifted, and my classroom is a much farther walk to the restroom. It's been a rough year. I've made it through some days with only enough energy at the last bell to plop my head on the desk and cry. I've screamed. I've ranted. I've struggled. I've even considered giving up. (Surely, there has to be an easier job. I've had one!) The one thing I had not considered was just being myself. If you *really* know me, then you know that I'm one of the most intense people you will ever meet. I talk with my hands. I talk really fast. My conversations jump around and about. So do my ideas. Get me going on something, and I will wear you out with my thoughts and research and even an anecdote or two. This is usually way too much for most people. (Even my own father has been ended discussions with me!) For much of my life, I have held back that personality. You could s...

Last night I had a beautiful reminder of why I chose this job. We had our first family literacy night, and I had some much fun manning the bookmark station. I love talking to the younger siblings of my students and watching my students roll their eyes as I talk to their parents. I felt like I was part of life again because at it's core life is messy and beautiful and chaotic all at once. That pretty much sums up the evening. While driving home, I was in tears. Praying. These students I have this year are frustrating me. Although a lot of my frustration stems from my dislocation at home, these kids do have some very real struggles. Many of their struggles are similar to my own when I was their age. I find myself at a loss for words or ideas several times each day. (I'll share some stories at some point.) All I could say last night was, "How am I supposed to do this?" The words echoed back, "You have to love them." Right now I really identify with Jesus' c...

Driving home one day this week, my head was swirling with too many thoughts to track. How are we going to pay our bills on my salary? When will I be able to blow dry my hair without fear of keeping someone awake? How much more money is my husband going to spend on the new place? When will he be back at work? How am I going to get my 5th and 7th periods to "buy into" this reading thing? Will I ever convince them that they can trust me? Where can I find the time to formulate a plan to help them? I was already in tears as I thought about the social obstacles these kids face. The poverty in this town is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I can handle the sights of it, but I am still struggling with some of the hidden rules in their community. They don't believe they can trust anyone in authority. Education is too abstract a concept because the results are not immediate. They are so far behind their grade level that most of them have just given up. I've watched the...

I'll have to be brief today even though there is so much I want to share! My first week at the new school is almost complete, and I really need some time to sit and process all the bits of information I've gathered about my students. Immokalee is an interesting town. Just to give you an idea of what it's like, my favorite Mexican restaurant here has a sticker vending machine with nothing but cross and Lady of Guadalupe stickers inside. The house is coming along...very slowly and with much aggrivation. I "think" we might be able to paint this weekend. My frightening thought this week: when you reach the point of wishing someone would die, it might be time to reconsider the situation. Yes, that really crossed my mind, and I feel the need to share it in the hope that someone else will chime in and make me feel not so crazy for thinking it. God surprised us last night with a very unexpected check that makes up for almost 2-weeks' worth of Alan's paycheck. I...

I sat down at a table today with four teens who are still learning English. Our goal was to learn the past tense of some irregular verbs, like drive/drove and eat/ate. Most of us who grew up in this country take for granted the fact that we know delightful grammar rules like this. This is often a struggle for these kids, and if you ever tried to learn a foreign language as an adult, you can sympathize. So like I said, I sat down at the table today and started off with, "Today, we're going to talk about verbs. What is a verb?" Fingers snapped in the air, accompanied by several "ums" and desperate appeals to the ceiling tiles. In their Spanish-mumbling, I heard the correct answer—in Spanish—so I asked them to teach me. It wasn't enough to just tell me "accion", they taught me an entire sentence: "Verbos es una palabra que espresa accion." I butchered it. They corrected me. One boy fought to keep his hands from molding my jaw into the proper...

Here's a discussion I had today with some seventh-going-into-eighth graders getting ready to make strawberry shortcake. "When you get into your groups, assign a new role. You cannot be the same thing you were the last time. That means everyone needs a different job." "Miss, I was the reader last time, and they are making me be the reader again." "Well, you can't be the reader again. Mary, what is your job right now?" "I'm the mixer." "Okay, well Sarah was the reader last time. She cannot be the reader again." "But I'm the mixer." "Fine, but Sarah cannot be the reader again." "But I'm the mixer and Donna's the supply person. I was the supply person last time, and Donna was the mixer last time." "Okay, but Sarah was the reader last time, and she cannot be the reader again today." "I'm confused." "I don't care if you're confused or not. Go back and c...