Tonight I did something I've never done before. I called the cops. On my neighbors. At 1:00 a.m. I was in the process of describing my for-rent house in an email, and just as I was about to type about my quiet neighborhood, I noticed it was not so quiet. I could hear the same shrieks and screams I've heard all day and assumed were the by-product of a neighbors kids playing in the pool. Just to be sure I wasn't imagining the sounds, I stuck my head out the window into the dark night. Then I dialed the sheriff's department to complain about the "party" that it turns out was coming from behind me. From the teenagers romping around in those inflatable Moonwalk get-ups. I felt a twinge of guilt as I hung up the phone and heard the neighbor yell that the kids were being too loud. But it is now thirty minutes later, and they are still noisy. And I want to go to bed. In my bed which is maybe 500 feet from their reverie. It's also the only place to sleep here becau...

While waiting for my modem to reboot (I think it misses me!), I read today's entry: Are you afraid and confused by the waves and the turbulence God sovereignly allows to enter your life?...Reflecting His peace is proof that you are right with God because you are exhibiting the freedom to turn your mind to Him...But if you only try to worry your way out of the problem, you destroy His effectiveness in you. I needed the reminder that the waves and turbulence are sovereignly allowed, i.e. they are still part of the plan. No matter how much I wish I understood, I really don't need an intimate knowledge of the nuts and bolts of this chapter in my life. In the real world, the whole idea of not worrying yourself out of a problem is much easier said than done. I know in my head that worrying is just a guise of control that gives us the false sense of working on a problem. So I suppose a lot of this all goes back to the idea of one day at a time. I've spent a lot of time lately tryi...

As we grow...we are less inclined to say, "I wonder why God allowed this or that?" And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. (My Utmost for His Highest, August 5) I stopped asking "why" twenty days ago when I first read this. Oh, I still complain and cry and swear and wonder from time to time just how the minutiae of my life is shaping me into God's purpose. But I suppose that deep down I really believe this, so I keep trudging along through what seems like an unending field of uncertainty. It's moments like this that make me really miss my therapist. I'm in a pretty crummy state of mind. Chalk it up to the chaos in my life combined with the fact that I am married to a man who interprets everything that pours from my mouth as either, "you're stupid" or "you don't know how to manage money" or "you're irresp...

I'll have to be brief today even though there is so much I want to share! My first week at the new school is almost complete, and I really need some time to sit and process all the bits of information I've gathered about my students. Immokalee is an interesting town. Just to give you an idea of what it's like, my favorite Mexican restaurant here has a sticker vending machine with nothing but cross and Lady of Guadalupe stickers inside. The house is coming along...very slowly and with much aggrivation. I "think" we might be able to paint this weekend. My frightening thought this week: when you reach the point of wishing someone would die, it might be time to reconsider the situation. Yes, that really crossed my mind, and I feel the need to share it in the hope that someone else will chime in and make me feel not so crazy for thinking it. God surprised us last night with a very unexpected check that makes up for almost 2-weeks' worth of Alan's paycheck. I...

It's been a busy week for me. I left my house at 4:30 Monday morning for my drive down south and pulled back in my driveway at 1:20 this morning. The days have been long, too, between working at the new school from 7:30 until 3:00 or 4:00 and then working at the new place until 9:00 or 10:00 each night. I now have callouses on my fingers and not one intact finger nail. I think I've also developed a new twitch somewhere on my face. One afternoon this week, I stood in the middle of our new living room and took in the sight of missing drywall, a growing hole in the floor and soaked up my husband's predictions that we still won't be ready to paint by the weekend. All I wanted to do was cry. All I felt was nothingness. Numbness. Anyone who has ever reached the point of numbness knows that it's scarier than feeling like you're falling apart. It's one step beyond feeling like you're falling apart. I couldn't help but wonder just what we had gotten ourselves...

In case you didn't know, today is August 7. I have been waiting for this day for months now, thinking it would never get here and wishing it would take its time because the new school year was just around the corner. Eclipse was released today. My Barnes & Noble gift card has been burning a hole in my wallet waiting for the moment I crossed the threshold into the store. Everyone who knows me well knows that although I love learning and reading, I don't particularly care for fiction. Never have. I still read it from time to time, i.e. when I find something that resonates with me or truly revolts me. Poor Nadia has had to listen to me complain about the crap that gets published and I waste my time reading. (I owe you for that.) The exceptions for my anti-fiction rhetoric have been the Left Behind series and the Twilight series ( Stephenie Meyer's fantastic vampire series). Eclipse is the third book. Finally holding this book in my hands was like smelling a freshly showe...

Today we had one of those glorious Florida summer afternoons filled with lots of booming thunder and rain that forms sheets so thick you can't see through them. I drove in it on my way to a movie theater. Learning to drive in this kind of weather made driving in ice and snow a piece of cake. The movie was a blast and my friend was the perfect companion for this girls night out. On the way back my husband and I were talking on the phone about the upcoming move. He's feeling apprehensive about our growing to-do list. We've divided up our worrying responsibilities well--I take care of fretting that our coughs might be signs of tuberculosis and he takes over for me about how we're going to get "it" all done. My well-rehearsed response is, "We just have to take it one piece at a time." And for the record, I really do believe that line. I wish he would, too. We hung up with mounting tension, and I reached to take sip of my chai tea. At that moment, the lid...