If you can't read the stars, you'd better have a map, a compass and a conscience so you don't get lost at sea around some lonely island no one wants to be. From the beginning of creation, I think our Maker had a plan for us to leave these shores and sail beyond the sand. A friend of mine played this song for me this morning, and it spoke to my soul in a way that I didn't know I needed. I've been feeling that "stuck in a moment" feeling lately that has me vacillating between the life extremes of safety and adventure and desperately afraid that my form of compromise will be one of monotony. (I fear little in life more than monotony.) This is not a new struggle. In fact, it's been part of me for as long as I can remember. Something deep within me is compelled to explore and experience and cram my mind with as many memories as possible. I've suppressed it well for most of my life, but when the soul calls and aches, you can ignore it for only so long. I...

The greatest blessing in my life today is the ability to run on that heavenly treadmill at my gym. I am overflowing with gratitude from every fiber of my being for my two legs (even the aching knee), that glorious machine made of plastic and gears and moving band, and Linkin Park. I needed some decent music for running today, and still haven't figured out what brand of crack I was smoking when I decided that "Joy to the World" and "Hips Don't Lie" were good choices for a running workout. As I frantically searched my iPod for something...anything with a pounding beat that could blast away all the crap in my head, I clicked on " Don't Stay " by Linkin Park. "Don't stay...forget our memories." And I clicked repeat. "Just give me myself back, and don't stay." And I clicked repeat. "I don't need one more day of you wasting me away." And I clicked repeat. It was heaven. The song shouted and screamed and pound...

I've been thinking a lot lately about decisions and how they shape the outcomes of our lives. I know that's a fairly obvious obsersvation, but I'm in one of those introspective moments that forces you to really consider some what-ifs and how-the-hell-did-that-happens. As I look at the course behind me, I can't help but think of how much I've sacrificed and accepted and been affected by the choices of both myself and my loved ones. The course before me is lined with so many possibilities that I was at first overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all. Some decisions have been easy. I know where I will work and live. Others, not so much. Who do I want as part of my life? What is best for me? Someone asked me the other night what I like to do for fun, and I was dumbfounded. I couldn't answer a simple question about myself. I've been bombarded lately with the advice of some well-meaning people who say things like, "Just let it all go and the good stuff will find...

I had entire post written about my shopping trip to Ulta this afternoon. I had planned to share about the turquoise nail polish I bought and my newfound love of Urban Decay makeup. I had set aside the camera for a picture of my new headband that doesn't cut off circulation to my ears. And I deleted it. Another thought entered my mind, and this one seemed just a bit more important. We're closing on our old house sometime in the next three weeks. The whole thing just hit me at once, and I'm not completely sure how I'm going to handle this. That's not entirely true. At this time last year, my life was a jumbled chaos. I honestly thought I was headed for a divorce and a stint in the hospital, not entirely sure which one would come first. All I knew was that something had to give, or I was giving up. So I prayed. I opened my calendar and picked a date. I needed an answer by that date. By the time July rolled around, I thought I was supposed to spend another year. Alone...