I haven't been sleeping well for the last few...years. This is nothing new. I'm a chronically light sleeper who wakes up at the sound of a butterfly sneezing in Africa. Or the first crack of light emanating from my alarm clock in the darkness of 3 a.m. And I can't sleep when there is any light around. I've been sleeping on a sofa bed for the last few days, and it is positioned directly under two large south-facing windows. The light begins seeping through around 6 a.m., and from then until whenever I finally officially wake, I attempt to sleep with my head wedged between two pillows. During this time, I have some interesting dreams. This morning my dreams were all conversation-based, and each one carried the theme of "conversations you wish people could really have in this world." Let's just say, in the not-so-perfect dream world, men were open, honest, and forthright about what they were thinking in relationships. I was bold and unreserved about what I re...

I've had a recurring dream for the last year or so that always seems to involve the same group of people. The situations change, but the people and the feelings associated with being around them remain constant. I believe very strongly in the power of dreams. Whether or not they are just random images being sorted by the sleeping brain or unconscious messages, I firmly believe we have them for a reason, especially when they repeat. This morning I woke from that recurring dream, and I think I finally figured out what it means. The people in the dream are real people from my life, and they all have something in common. They took a dream away from me. This realization has had me thinking most of the morning. How many times have I relinquished or allowed someone to take a dream away from me? Far more than I like to admit. How many times have I taken a dream from someone? I'm not sure. It's a sobering thought. And you know what? It's kept me from dreaming. With this in mind,...

I had one of those dreams last night that was so vivid and emotionally consuming for me that I can still picture it at noon. There's no doubt in my mind just what issues my brain was working through. They were pretty much spraypainted all over my subconsious mind. The funny thing is that I woke this morning with a new sense of hope, something I haven't felt in a long time. I don't know if it was God or just my own mind reassuring me that everything is okay, but I KNOW that it will all be okay. In fact, one part of the dream was very specific about certain issues that have bothered me lately. I know I'm not the only person who thinks about dreams and what they may or may not mean. A quick internet search for "dream meaning" proves this. Personally, I believe that dreams are a venue for our brains to play around with images, ideas, and emotions that we might normally filter out during the day. That said, I also believe they are place where God, our bodies, and o...

There is a legend in my family about my grandfather's first weeks after he left the Navy. The government was going to pay for him to go to college or learn a trade. He was undecided about a career, so he decided to dig ditches. That lasted for a week. He still don't know exactly what trade he wanted to learn, but he knew that digging ditches wasn't part of the plan for his life. Eventually, he became an apprentice with a locksmith, learned the trade, and became one of the most well known and respected locksmiths in the state of Florida. People still talk about the "Old Locksmith" who could open any safe. I've been thinking about this story quite a bit this week. My dream is to write full-time. I can so see myself sitting at the beach or in the middle of the woods with my laptop that I hope to own one day and an idea. With this in mind, I've been actively searching for freelance work. I accepted a job last week that has turned out to be more than I had in m...

I'm having a hard time lately rising above the rage that seems to be seething just below the surface of my skin. Even right now, I can feel it burning, ready to escape as soon I unleash it. Such a lovely picture, right? I want to rage against the night right now. I want to scream and punch holes in walls and kick the nearest living being. I want to push and rip and bite chunks out of anything that seems too whole or perfect. I. Want. To. Lose. It. In the middle of this primitive desire is my knowledge that I'm really just feeling overwhelmed and don't know how to let something slide. I worked for two days this week with a low grade fever. I'm not sleeping through my coughing spells. My floors are layered with dirt. I have a five inch stack of papers to grade and way too much writing work to do. Now I have to go to a training tomorrow that I took last summer. Each weekend for the month of March is already booked with weekend guests, parties, and even the GRE. My head is ...