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Just Around the Bend

I was so impressed by my last post that I shared it with my grandmother who immediately said, "Just remember to hold on to that faith when bad things happen." That was fair enough, and I've been through enough rough moments in my life to know there's always something waiting around the bend with the potential to shake my core.

Little did I know just how quickly it would rear its ugly head. A few years ago I first noticed a weird little scar on my back. I have no recollection of how I got it. It just suddenly was there. The only spot on my very red, sunburned back. I never thought much of it until I went to the dermatologist a few weeks ago.

Names have an interesting way of taking over. Until the doctor spoke the word, I didn't think of the spot as anything more than an entity named Bob or Herman or Frankie with a made up a story about how we met up during our time in the Peace Corp in Bolivia. No such luck for me.

It turns out that my weird little scar is actually vitiligo. This just means that I'm losing skin pigment in parts of my body. You can go ahead and breathe now if you thought I was about to share something life-threatening. This isn't fatal, but it is crushing to my fragile sense of self, especially when I noticed some white spots on my arm. And hand. And the bottom of my illiopsoas.

So please forgive me for my lack of presence online for the last week. My mind has been completely occupied with the pounding sounds of , "VITILIGO! VITILIGO! VITILIGO!" This is accompanied by obsessive images of patchwork skin, questions about whether or not I can ever show my face in the public again, and a worry or two thousand that my husband won't think I'm just as beautiful as I am now.

In between these crazy moments, I've journaled. I've prayed. I've screamed to God. I've cried until my chest ached. I've completely switched to a gluten-free diet and put myself on a daily regimine consisting of a butt-load of vitamins and mini yoga sessions. Vitiligo appears to be an autoimmune disease, so I'm pulling out everything in my arsenal to build my immune system. There is always the chance these "reverse freckles" will re-pigment.

Just around the bend.

My heart aches.

My faith is still unshaken.

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Comments

Christy said…
OH - I'm so sorry! I had wondered where you were and was logging in here to post a where-are-you comment.
Keep doing what you're doing. You are strong, and if anyone can fight this thing down, it's you. From experience, I understand how difficult it is to go gluten-free. I wish you blessings on your journey in that direction.
4:38 PM
Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
"My heart aches. My faith is unshaken."

That, my friend, kicks vitiligo butt!!!
5:26 AM
frabjouspoet said…
These comments made me cry. Gluten-free hasn't been too bad so far, especially since we tend to eat low carb foods anyway. So so so much fun, but I know it could be worse.
5:13 AM
Unknown said…
It is right that vitiligo is a anomaly of the auto immune system
but it has also emotional and psychological effects on the petient, in this way that the petients feel very complex. first never disheart and dont worry, take it only as disease, keep strong beleif on the saying "that there is must a cure for any disease". This is fact there are many sites that say there is not known treatment for vitiligo like vitiligo site ,but i ask them why the provide the treatment for vitiligo.
There are many organization egange in searching for vitiligo cure. I recently visit the two post on blog spot one is about harvesting the gene for pigmentation and other is about testosterone gene. and their are dozen of medical treatment for vitiligo, have been using for many years.
10:53 PM
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