Skip to main content

The Gulf of Formless Feelings

I know I've been absent lately, but I just really haven't had much to say. To me that line seems like a total cop-out, but it's true. Sometimes there just aren't words to express what's going on in your life.

I'm learning to accept that.

I picked up a copy of "Their Eyes Were Watching God" at the library a few weeks ago, and I've been reading it as I find a few quiet moments. One passage, in particular, has echoed in my head, and it perfectly sums up how I've felt.

"There's a basin in the mind where words float around on thought and thought on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feelings untouched by thought."

That's where I've been lately. Let's face it. The gulf of formless feelings doesn't exactly translate well to the blog world.

The new year (and a long overdue photography session) has rejuvenated me somewhat. At least my will power seems to be back. I am back to clean eating as of yesterday. I even turned down bread pudding. Homemade. With caramel sauce. Homemade.

However, turning down the food wasn't the triumph. I could care less about food. The victory for me was saying, "You know how much I love your bread pudding, but I am on a diet now." I stuck by that. And not a single drop of homemade caramel sauce crossed the threshhold of my lips.

Two days of clean eating down. Two days closer to resurrecting myself.
Labels:

Comments

Christy said…
That's a beautiful way to express it - I think I've been to that gulf before :)
Congrats on the whole turning-down-the-bread-pudding thing. You're a better woman than I. The hard part is never the food, is it? It's the person offering the food....at least for me.
6:07 PM
frabjouspoet said…
That's exactly the problem. I love the woman who made the bread pudding, and she kept saying, "You just don't love me." My reply was always, "You're killing me!"
6:51 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trying to Keep It All Together

The title of this post is a bit of a misnomer. Just this morning I said, "I'm having a hard time getting it together right now." I'm in one of those periods when showing up is the best I can offer, and I can't even guarantee that. That said, I just popped on here to share that I'm struggling. I'm dealing with a lot of loss right now. Some of it is easy to spot. Some of it I've tucked away because it's either terribly painful or terribly embarrassing--at least to me. Some of it was inevitable. Some of it was a surprise. All of it rises up into the center of my chest and begs me to stop for a moment to acknowledge it. It's doing that right now even as I type this. I'm having a hard time getting it together right now.
Post a Comment
Read more

Welcome 2010

This has been an interesting beginning to the new year. The evening began with a beer and air hockey challenge, which I handily lost. This was followed with some extreme go cart racing and more beer, a dinner that consisted of leftovers from one of my favorite South Carolina restaurants and homemade fried zucchini. And more beer. I saw "The Hangover" for the fourth time and laughed like an idiot. After the ball dropped in Times Square, I saw pieces of "Public Enemy" and finally crawled into bed around 2:00 a.m. and stayed there until 11:00 this morning. I spent today playing with a dog, watching college football, and hanging out with one of my current favorite people. I don't do the whole new year resolution thing. However, I do believe in taking a look at the lessons I've learned and the experiences that have unfolded for me in the previous year. Anyone who reads this blog can already figure out that my divorce, running, and dating again have greatly influe...
5 comments
Read more

Pardon the Interruption

It's 10:00. My race clothes are laying across the top of the dog crate. I've already consumed my all-natural sleep aid. The alarm is set for 4:45 in the morning. I should be sleeping, but my mind is spinning at an unnatural rate. Remember this poem ? The subject of that poem married just a few weeks ago, and I just finished looking through his wedding photos. It's a strange feeling. Not one of loss. Or Regret. Or even wistfulness. I'm thoroughly happy for both of them in a way that will seriously not make sense to most of the people I know. I suppose there will always be an odd sense of knowing in a situation like this. I know the feel of those lips. I've seen that look in his eyes. What I felt for him was real and pure and drives the feeling of satisfaction that is currently overwhelming me. I love knowing that he's in love--even if it's not with me. I even saved my favorite photo to my computer because the image stirred something in me that needs to be sti...
3 comments
Read more