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Simply Amazing

I went to a training today for work. I'm not always thrilled about attending these things, but I go because...well, I have to. Usually, I'm bored out of my mind and spend the day playing a silly word game a psychology professor once taught me or writing poetry. Despite the fact that I was sitting next to one of my favorite people in my work world, I started to work on a poem that's been in my head for well over a year.

I stood before the wind as she moved across the land
and she kissed me with the sweet touch of the breeze.
She asked me just to lay back and trust where she would go
and she'd carry me to find my deepest dreams.

That's as far as I got, and the first two lines were already done. Finding the will to write was an exciting moment for me. I think I'll finally be able to explore words again. and I'm processing so much about life that I really need that outlet.

One of the things I'm processing is a new awareness of myself and a new level of self-respect that I left behind more than a decade ago. I've never believed in chance. I fully believe that life is a series of decisions and consequences, and the meat of the matter is finding the courage to make the decisions AND face up to the consequences. This is certainly easier said than done, and I definitely have a messy path behind me dotted with poor decisions.

This mindset is also the reason why I don't believe in chance. I've been given a great gift lately from someone who may never know just exactly what they've done for me. Through I series of very interesting conversations, I've found some old beliefs and behaviors that I was missing. I see myself through a slightly new lens, and I can honestly say that I like what I see. This process has made me want to be a better person, and I'm actually following through with this...not because I think someone else wants me to do so, but because I want it.

Here it is. I am worth it. I am worth demanding respect from others. I am worth the ability to make decisons about who I want as part of my life and what behaviors I find acceptable. I am worth being treated as the extraordinary woman that I am. And NOTHING less is worth my time or my energy. I make the decisions.

And that is the most amazing gift anyone has given me.

Comments

Christy said…
Oh, yes! That's the spirit! You are indeed an amazing woman and you deserve to take from life what you want - through chance *or* decision.
7:28 AM
Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
I love this post. I love the truth that floats to the top when your life gets pureed!
12:19 PM
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