One of the more interesting parts of dating in my thirties has been the ex-files. At this stage in life, it's inevitable that my date and I both have stories of dates (and partners) past. These stories seep out over time, and you know I'm a sucker for the story about anyone's life. I like to listen to them.
After hearing about "the one who got away" and "the one who never left" and "the one who called six times in a row at two in the morning crying," I wondered about my story. What does my "ex-file" say about me?
I can't even answer that question because it's entirely framed in the perspective of the other person. Like everyone else, I like to think that my exes remember me as a beautiful, generous, and fun woman. Yet, I know there's a possibility that they frame me in the light of my flaws. Sometimes I wish I could be in the room listening to the new woman as she hears the story of "this woman I dated".
None of this matters, of course, mostly because I've learned that there are two sides to every story. If I didn't know that, I'd think that every woman on the planet is a psycho and every man is a douche bag...because that's the way these stories usually go. It's human nature to tell about the ex who did "drive bys" after the break-up and leave out the part where they just stopped having their calls returned with no warning or explanation.
I guess I just hope that the person listening to the story of me has enough sense to know this, too. And I hope I remember this the next time I tell a story from the ex-file.
After hearing about "the one who got away" and "the one who never left" and "the one who called six times in a row at two in the morning crying," I wondered about my story. What does my "ex-file" say about me?
I can't even answer that question because it's entirely framed in the perspective of the other person. Like everyone else, I like to think that my exes remember me as a beautiful, generous, and fun woman. Yet, I know there's a possibility that they frame me in the light of my flaws. Sometimes I wish I could be in the room listening to the new woman as she hears the story of "this woman I dated".
None of this matters, of course, mostly because I've learned that there are two sides to every story. If I didn't know that, I'd think that every woman on the planet is a psycho and every man is a douche bag...because that's the way these stories usually go. It's human nature to tell about the ex who did "drive bys" after the break-up and leave out the part where they just stopped having their calls returned with no warning or explanation.
I guess I just hope that the person listening to the story of me has enough sense to know this, too. And I hope I remember this the next time I tell a story from the ex-file.
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