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Midlife Crisis Thoughts

Today I did something I don't normally do. I read the article about a dying dog's last day on Earth that showed up in one of my feeds today. I don't normally read those articles because they make me cry. Then I feel weird. And my mind floods with thoughts of special people in my life who have died and those who are still alive and how I'm going to feel when they and then when I die and what on Earth am I doing with my life because I'm going to die.

It's a little exhausting.

I've been struggling a lot lately with thoughts about how short life is and calculating how many more years I have left if I make it to certain milestones. I compare this to what feels like the great wasteland of my 20s and 30s. (Seriously, what HAVE I done with my life other than work and navigate difficult marriages?) It's a bit macabre, I know. So I decided to make a concerted effort to find something each day that makes me feel alive or grateful or just happy. I'm not sure how much time I have left, but I want to feel like I'm enjoying it.

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