Skip to main content

After the Epiphany

Why is that, after an epiphany, you are inevitably challenged by that idea? Isn't it enough to just have that life-changing moment? Apparently not. I guess it's like algebra homework. It's certainly not fun, but the extra practice is what helps you grasp the concepts.

So now that I've realized that pain is a necessary part of life--and one that I want to embrace as needed--I've been in the face to face with some very real pain these last few days.

I'm pretty pissed off today. Someone very close to me has not spoken to me in almost a month now. I have called and emailed and left messages. I can hear the crickets chirping through the silence. I heard from someone else that this person is mad at me, but we can only guess as to why.

{insert a loud, gutteral scream here}

Don't walk around holding a grudge against me and let everyone around me know that I offended you if you don't have the guts to tell me why. How about telling me that you need some space or that you're too angry to talk to me, but don't just ignore me like that.

And please don't give me lectures on how I need to forgive this person. I was the first person to reach out and try to mend the fences. I'm not the offended person here. (I'm really not even though I'm venting here.) Yes, I am angry that this person has chosen to just ignore me to punish me, but I don't think my anger in this case warrants the prodigal son speech. It's a perfectly natural reaction to something like this. I've already forgiven this person for doing this.

{end of woman warrior rant}

This is pain in all its glory. It hurts. I cry. My soul aches. It takes all my self-control to not do something rash. I know this is momentary.

So I will leave you now. My questions on anger and forgiveness are still floating around in my head. I'm sure I will be posting soon enough on whatever answers I find.

Comments

Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
I can hang out with you right here. I am on someone's List of Silent Punishment. I have no idea what I've done, per se. I know what others that I might stick up for have done.....that seems to have been my error, I guess.

<3 Christy
4:46 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Restless Soul

Someone recently told me that I have an impulsive streak. ("Just an observation, not a criticism.") My initial reaction was to vehemently deny that statement despite the fact that I had just confessed to walking into Total Wine and buying $200 worth of wine just because it seemed like a good idea at 11:00 on a Thursday morning. Me? Impulsive? Don't answer that, especially if you know the truth. I shared this with my therapist yesterday and his eyes lit up when I said, "I think I have a restless soul." The fact that his eyes lit up is significant since we spend most of my sessions arguing with each other about ideas like whether or not a book he recommended is filled with psychobabble bullsh*t or why I should do a bit more thinking with my heart instead of my head. For once, he agreed with me and quickly pointed out that this is not necessarily a bad trait. In fact, it's what stirs my needs to explore and to write. It's also the reason why I don't, by...
5 comments
Read more

Welcome 2010

This has been an interesting beginning to the new year. The evening began with a beer and air hockey challenge, which I handily lost. This was followed with some extreme go cart racing and more beer, a dinner that consisted of leftovers from one of my favorite South Carolina restaurants and homemade fried zucchini. And more beer. I saw "The Hangover" for the fourth time and laughed like an idiot. After the ball dropped in Times Square, I saw pieces of "Public Enemy" and finally crawled into bed around 2:00 a.m. and stayed there until 11:00 this morning. I spent today playing with a dog, watching college football, and hanging out with one of my current favorite people. I don't do the whole new year resolution thing. However, I do believe in taking a look at the lessons I've learned and the experiences that have unfolded for me in the previous year. Anyone who reads this blog can already figure out that my divorce, running, and dating again have greatly influe...
5 comments
Read more

So Not the Party Girl

In an effort to be more social, I agreed to participate in the first annual cookie exchange at work this morning. I've never done an cookie exchange before, and that fact alone didn't bode well for my social phobia, perfectionist tendencies, and leeriness about eating food from other people's kitchens. But I persevered. My grandmother recommended her favorite cookie recipe (which is actually a cake recipe--cut into bars). Last night I whipped up a delightful batch and licked the icing bowl clean...after I spread the bulk of it on the cookies. I wrapped everything in some plastic bowls and topped them with a Christmas bow. All was well until I was 1 dozen cookies short. At 10:45 last night I drove 7 miles to the nearest store (Walgreens) and then drove another mile to the Winn-Dixie for powdered sugar. I washed dishes as I listened to Letterman, and I was finally in bed around 12:30. And up again at 4:45. The cookie exchange was DELIGHTFUL. I laughed as I sipped black coffee...
6 comments
Read more