Skip to main content

After the Epiphany

Why is that, after an epiphany, you are inevitably challenged by that idea? Isn't it enough to just have that life-changing moment? Apparently not. I guess it's like algebra homework. It's certainly not fun, but the extra practice is what helps you grasp the concepts.

So now that I've realized that pain is a necessary part of life--and one that I want to embrace as needed--I've been in the face to face with some very real pain these last few days.

I'm pretty pissed off today. Someone very close to me has not spoken to me in almost a month now. I have called and emailed and left messages. I can hear the crickets chirping through the silence. I heard from someone else that this person is mad at me, but we can only guess as to why.

{insert a loud, gutteral scream here}

Don't walk around holding a grudge against me and let everyone around me know that I offended you if you don't have the guts to tell me why. How about telling me that you need some space or that you're too angry to talk to me, but don't just ignore me like that.

And please don't give me lectures on how I need to forgive this person. I was the first person to reach out and try to mend the fences. I'm not the offended person here. (I'm really not even though I'm venting here.) Yes, I am angry that this person has chosen to just ignore me to punish me, but I don't think my anger in this case warrants the prodigal son speech. It's a perfectly natural reaction to something like this. I've already forgiven this person for doing this.

{end of woman warrior rant}

This is pain in all its glory. It hurts. I cry. My soul aches. It takes all my self-control to not do something rash. I know this is momentary.

So I will leave you now. My questions on anger and forgiveness are still floating around in my head. I'm sure I will be posting soon enough on whatever answers I find.

Comments

I can hang out with you right here. I am on someone's List of Silent Punishment. I have no idea what I've done, per se. I know what others that I might stick up for have done.....that seems to have been my error, I guess.

<3 Christy

Popular posts from this blog

The Carnival

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon here in southwest Florida, although still a bit too warm for my November tastes. I'm learning to enjoy my weekends with as much unstructured and unscheduled time as possible. Last Saturday was a delightful unstructured day. A new friend of mine (the one from the Everglades excursion) and I went to a local carnival. Now, here's the thing...I LOVE carnivals. The food. The people. The rides. The lights. I can easily spend an entire day wandering through the crowds. He's no carnival slouch. The first thing we did was walk through the entire place, scoping out the rides. Then the fun began. We rode almost every ride there (except for the kiddie attractions and the broken Tornado). The Wild Claw. The Scrambler. The Orbiter. The Space Oddysey. The Swings. The Pharaoh's Fury. The Ferris Wheel. The Giant Slide. The Haunted House. The Avalanche. It was all good. How can you top a ride that uses centrifugal force to plaster your body against...

Busy Days Ahead

It's been a busy week for me. I left my house at 4:30 Monday morning for my drive down south and pulled back in my driveway at 1:20 this morning. The days have been long, too, between working at the new school from 7:30 until 3:00 or 4:00 and then working at the new place until 9:00 or 10:00 each night. I now have callouses on my fingers and not one intact finger nail. I think I've also developed a new twitch somewhere on my face. One afternoon this week, I stood in the middle of our new living room and took in the sight of missing drywall, a growing hole in the floor and soaked up my husband's predictions that we still won't be ready to paint by the weekend. All I wanted to do was cry. All I felt was nothingness. Numbness. Anyone who has ever reached the point of numbness knows that it's scarier than feeling like you're falling apart. It's one step beyond feeling like you're falling apart. I couldn't help but wonder just what we had gotten ourselves...

Stranger Obligations

I had to make a few difficult decisions this week. At least, they were difficult for me. I wish I could be the kind of person who completely makes decisions based on his/her own needs and wants and boldly moves through life with unabashed freedom from how our choices affect others. But I'm not built like that. I had placed an ad for my former stray. I felt like it was time to find her a more permanent home because so much in my life right now is uncertain. One person answered the ad, but she did not seem like a good fit, and I gave up further thought. This week I received another response. As long as this person is telling the truth, it's an ideal situation for the dog. Yet, I had a strange feeling and could not sort out whether or not it was my intuition kicking in or that fact that I actually like the dog and don't want to see her go. In the end, I decided that it was in my own (and my Winnipeg's) best interest for her to stay with us through the summer. (I seri...