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After the Epiphany

Why is that, after an epiphany, you are inevitably challenged by that idea? Isn't it enough to just have that life-changing moment? Apparently not. I guess it's like algebra homework. It's certainly not fun, but the extra practice is what helps you grasp the concepts.

So now that I've realized that pain is a necessary part of life--and one that I want to embrace as needed--I've been in the face to face with some very real pain these last few days.

I'm pretty pissed off today. Someone very close to me has not spoken to me in almost a month now. I have called and emailed and left messages. I can hear the crickets chirping through the silence. I heard from someone else that this person is mad at me, but we can only guess as to why.

{insert a loud, gutteral scream here}

Don't walk around holding a grudge against me and let everyone around me know that I offended you if you don't have the guts to tell me why. How about telling me that you need some space or that you're too angry to talk to me, but don't just ignore me like that.

And please don't give me lectures on how I need to forgive this person. I was the first person to reach out and try to mend the fences. I'm not the offended person here. (I'm really not even though I'm venting here.) Yes, I am angry that this person has chosen to just ignore me to punish me, but I don't think my anger in this case warrants the prodigal son speech. It's a perfectly natural reaction to something like this. I've already forgiven this person for doing this.

{end of woman warrior rant}

This is pain in all its glory. It hurts. I cry. My soul aches. It takes all my self-control to not do something rash. I know this is momentary.

So I will leave you now. My questions on anger and forgiveness are still floating around in my head. I'm sure I will be posting soon enough on whatever answers I find.

Comments

Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
I can hang out with you right here. I am on someone's List of Silent Punishment. I have no idea what I've done, per se. I know what others that I might stick up for have done.....that seems to have been my error, I guess.

<3 Christy
4:46 PM
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