Last night I had a beautiful reminder of why I chose this job. We had our first family literacy night, and I had some much fun manning the bookmark station. I love talking to the younger siblings of my students and watching my students roll their eyes as I talk to their parents. I felt like I was part of life again because at it's core life is messy and beautiful and chaotic all at once. That pretty much sums up the evening.
While driving home, I was in tears. Praying. These students I have this year are frustrating me. Although a lot of my frustration stems from my dislocation at home, these kids do have some very real struggles. Many of their struggles are similar to my own when I was their age. I find myself at a loss for words or ideas several times each day. (I'll share some stories at some point.) All I could say last night was, "How am I supposed to do this?" The words echoed back, "You have to love them."
Right now I really identify with Jesus' cry for Jerusalem in Matthew 23. I spend much of my time each day correcting behavior, so much so that I usually sit at my desk at the end of the day and think, "If you would only close your mouths long enough to hear the directions, you might actually enjoy the activity." Now I'm struck by how many times in my life my Creator has thought the same of me. And yet, for all the bad choices I make...for all the times I've screamed that something isn't fair...for all the times I've ignored what I should have embraced, He still loves me.
No words right now are adequate.
Perhaps I'm beginning to actually live my prayer of the last year: "Lord, show yourself to me."
While driving home, I was in tears. Praying. These students I have this year are frustrating me. Although a lot of my frustration stems from my dislocation at home, these kids do have some very real struggles. Many of their struggles are similar to my own when I was their age. I find myself at a loss for words or ideas several times each day. (I'll share some stories at some point.) All I could say last night was, "How am I supposed to do this?" The words echoed back, "You have to love them."
Right now I really identify with Jesus' cry for Jerusalem in Matthew 23. I spend much of my time each day correcting behavior, so much so that I usually sit at my desk at the end of the day and think, "If you would only close your mouths long enough to hear the directions, you might actually enjoy the activity." Now I'm struck by how many times in my life my Creator has thought the same of me. And yet, for all the bad choices I make...for all the times I've screamed that something isn't fair...for all the times I've ignored what I should have embraced, He still loves me.
No words right now are adequate.
Perhaps I'm beginning to actually live my prayer of the last year: "Lord, show yourself to me."
Comments