I know this will come as a complete shock to anyone who knows me, but yesterday I was given the official diagnosis of "wrapped-too-tight". What? Me? The super hero of all super heroes? This reminds me of my favorite line in Five for Fighting's "Superman": Even heroes have the right to bleed. I'm trying to "bleed" now, and this is not a simple task for someone who carries the weight of her world around on her slumped shoulders. To say that I've been "under pressure" lately is the understatement of the century, and I'm one of those people who carry stress so well that I don't notice it. Interrupted sleep. Jolts running through my muscles. Weird pains in my back and legs. Racing thoughts. I push through the subtle warning signs in a frantic attempt to duct tape my world together and keep up the appearance that it's all under control. It's not. Well, not completely. And that duct tape is just so tempting. Armed with this n

One of the regular refrains I hear from the people around me is about my attitude. "That's a healthy way to see things." "You're such an inspiration." "I don't know how you smile the way you do." The truth is that I don't see any other option. Each day I have to make one of two choices: wallow in a sea of self-pity and mistakes or accept what is in front of me and move on from there. Each day--sometimes with more of a struggle than others--I make the choice to move. The fact of the matter is that I married a man who was dishonest with and unfaithful to me. We should be divorced in a few days. I now live alone. I have to do yard work. I don't get to kiss anyone good night. This is my life. And there's still life there. I eat. I laugh. I talk. I smile. Life is moving forward, and I am moving with it. It's the only choice that makes sense.

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now staring at my computer screen. I type a sentence, think about it for a minute, and then delete it. Words and ideas flood my head, but I can't seem to focus them in one direction long enough to complete a thought that is worthy of sharing with anyone. Right now I'm thinking of when I'm going to deal with yard work again, paying my ridiculously high cell phone bill, dating, divorce, running, my own self-image, the fact that I need to start feeding my body decent food, listing my house for sale, and the occasional reminder that I need to buy more water and cat food. And perhaps some food for myself. That's on my mind, but what I really want to share are some of the ideas I've been toying with in my head. The aging process for women. The joy of knowing you are exactly where you're supposed to be in life. The connectedness of the world around us. The process of carving out a life in line with your values. I even have a few more

My life seems to be evolving yet again before my very eyes. Remember when I said I wanted to get my degree and open a private therapy practice ? The reason I've always considered it as a career choice is because I want to share with people my view of life. It's not that I think I have all the answers, but I do think I have a gift for helping people live in the moment. That's my passion...experiencing each moment and milking it for all it's worth. Last night I was talking with a friend about fishing. He was sharing some stories about being out in the water and said something about how I could write a book about these stories. I laughed because that's EXACTLY what I thought the first time I heard any of them. He tells them with such enthusiasm and passion that I know if I could capture it in words, the book would be a best seller. I processed this while running this morning and thought about the common thread connecting all my book ideas. They are all about life exper

I was asked tonight about the divorce and touched on the fact that it has been such a liberating experience for me. These pieces of myself that I'm recovering and using to piece together my life again are such an interesting array of brokenness. I didn't realize just how broken I was until the last few weeks, and certain moments make me more aware than others. I spent the afternoon and evening with some friends I met at work a few years ago when I first moved to this area. It was comforting to have a place to go for today's holiday, and it was just SO MUCH FUN! As we sat outside watching others' and producing our own fireworks displays, I was suddenly aware of the absolute peace I felt in the moment. For once, I wasn't worried about what time I needed to leave or listening to the conversation to make sure it wasn't boring or irritating to my significant other. There was no pressure...just experiencing what was in front of me. After years of sitting anxiously at