I have a text message saved in my phone that reads, "You have no rules." When I first read it, I was a bit offended because I have lived much of my life attempting to follow rules (and my therapists have no doubt been pleased by the amount of money they've made off the resulting messes I made in the attempts).
I spend a lot of time debating what I write here. There's a fine line between blogging about life and journaling. I do both, and what ends up here is very much a PG-rated censored version of the purple pleather bound pages in which I scribble my "not good" handwriting. How often, I wonder, do I blur that line? Not much, I know, but I want to do more.
The reality is that my life is that of a 33 year old woman trying to balance a job, dreams, dating, and accepting the path that lies ahead. It has meant getting a grip on the damage done in a very bad marriage, going out on some awful dates, mending a few broken hearts, losing sleep to Spanish class homework and grad school projects, and trying to find the way to break free of the emotional restraints binding me and embracing the soul within...even though that soul may not follow the rules.
And...oh...how those rules just like to mess with me!
Last night was a very exciting night for me when I got to watch a very special team of South American players in a "pelada" (friendly soccer game). Oh, how I loved to hear the sounds of Spanish and Portuguese being thrown about on the field right along with the black and white ball! And oh, how a certain man kept a smile spread across my mouth as he rattled NON-STOP in Portuguese as he showed off and chased the ball. And...well, the smile on his own face when he looked at me was priceless.
This is my life right now. I'm in the calm before the hurricane of lesson plans to write and projects to put together churns again. This feels weird to someone who lives life at the speed of light...to have to sit back and let this new relationship unfold in its own time. At its own pace. Which seemsto be much slower than my typical one.
And I have a feeling that I will be writing about it here. :)
I spend a lot of time debating what I write here. There's a fine line between blogging about life and journaling. I do both, and what ends up here is very much a PG-rated censored version of the purple pleather bound pages in which I scribble my "not good" handwriting. How often, I wonder, do I blur that line? Not much, I know, but I want to do more.
The reality is that my life is that of a 33 year old woman trying to balance a job, dreams, dating, and accepting the path that lies ahead. It has meant getting a grip on the damage done in a very bad marriage, going out on some awful dates, mending a few broken hearts, losing sleep to Spanish class homework and grad school projects, and trying to find the way to break free of the emotional restraints binding me and embracing the soul within...even though that soul may not follow the rules.
And...oh...how those rules just like to mess with me!
Last night was a very exciting night for me when I got to watch a very special team of South American players in a "pelada" (friendly soccer game). Oh, how I loved to hear the sounds of Spanish and Portuguese being thrown about on the field right along with the black and white ball! And oh, how a certain man kept a smile spread across my mouth as he rattled NON-STOP in Portuguese as he showed off and chased the ball. And...well, the smile on his own face when he looked at me was priceless.
This is my life right now. I'm in the calm before the hurricane of lesson plans to write and projects to put together churns again. This feels weird to someone who lives life at the speed of light...to have to sit back and let this new relationship unfold in its own time. At its own pace. Which seemsto be much slower than my typical one.
And I have a feeling that I will be writing about it here. :)
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