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Finding a Context

The end of the school year is always a whirlwind of activity, and it doesn't help that I very happily take on extra tasks. Like prom. And freelance writing. And learning new languages. Fortunately, I've found a method that seems to work well for me: work on one task...take a break...work on another task...take a break.

You get the idea.

It seems to keep me sufficiently occupied and eliminates some of the frustration I feel when things don't move along as quickly as I'd like. But I digress.

I took a mental break earlier to let some of the thoughts in my head run like a hamster on a wheel. One of the thoughts that bubbled up was something a dear friend said to me last year after I had broken up with my boyfriend. I was complaining to him about how everything that happened between us was just one giant lie since the relationship ended and that I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to think he ever loved me.

His response was classic. "It doesn't negate anything. It just contextualizes it."

I'm blown away by those words right now. How often do we write off beautiful experiences and memories because of the way we interpret the past through the lens of the present?

My life history is filled with people who did some amazing things for me and spent beautiful moments with me. Yet, as soon as we broke up, those memories were washed in the waters of "He was just using you" and "What a waste of time he was" and "He just wasn't in to you."

It's also filled with former friends who shared life changing experiences with me. As those relationships faded, they were bathed in the floods of "She was never your friend to begin with" and "This is why you can't trust people."

But the present doesn't change the past, and I firmly believe that the only approach to life is to play with the cards in front of you. I have no idea what is waiting for me in the deck. It's impossible for me to predict another person's next move. All I can do is read the present moment and decide from there. Even if the move turns out disastrous, it was the only option I had...and the next one will be decided from there, with the current variables.

My personal challenge lately has been to be more forgiving to myself. Hindsight may be 20/20, but it's certainly no excuse to judge people and motives and lock yourself into a particular state of mind.

Or to forget the beautiful moments of life. Like the time I came home from class to find my apartment completely decorated in Christmas lights. Or laughing on carnival rides with one of the most adventurous people I've ever known. Or being surprised by Pearl Jam on my birthday.

Nothing is negated by the present.

Comments

Christy said…
This is a truly beautiful approach to life.
9:29 AM
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