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New Levels of Bliss

Little darling...
the smiles returning to the faces...
little darling...
it seems like years since it's been here.

I cannot believe that I'm quoting The Beatles since I find myself continuously clicking the dislike button every time they appear on Pandora. However, I do like this song, and it's more than appropriate for the way I feel right now.

This has been one of those weekends that has left me speechless. All I can say is, "Wow", and the moments we need sometimes appear in the ways we least expect to encounter them. The people in my life who know the details share an odd mixture of feelings--from complete disgust to questioning my sanity to genuine congratulations.

I tend to be rather vague on this blog out of respect for others' privacy, and I will continue to do so here. What I will share is that I've been in a bit of an emotional coma for the last few months. It's been bad--far worse than most people realize. Perhaps they will return, but they've certainly been assuaged by the smile of someone who has completely stolen my heart...for now.

I suppose it's no secret that I've been decimated from time to time by the men in my life. In the last few years I've shared how those pieces have been slowly coming together again. I needed to feel socially acceptable. I needed to have fun. I needed to feel like a woman. I needed to embrace other cultures. Lately, I've felt like I needed to be nurtured, and that's what I found in the most unlikely of places. In fact, I woke this morning and looked at the sky and uttered, "Thank you, Lord, for this."

He's beautiful. He's kind. He's got the most innocent smile I've ever seen. He's also managed to instinctively wrap his caramel macchiato hands around my soul. I think he summed it up best with some of his parting words to me tonight--translated, of course: "Just close your eyes and there will be the memories of this moment."

He followed this with "I love you", and I know those words spring from a very true place inside him. I also know that time may change the meaning with new contexts, but for right now, it's just what I needed to hear. And that's okay. I've come to accept that some people and places are meant to be moments recorded only in the recesses of memory.

For a change, I am happy. I am at peace with myself. I am going to sleep tonight with some beautiful memories and a heart full of gratitude.

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