Skip to main content

New Levels of Bliss

Little darling...
the smiles returning to the faces...
little darling...
it seems like years since it's been here.

I cannot believe that I'm quoting The Beatles since I find myself continuously clicking the dislike button every time they appear on Pandora. However, I do like this song, and it's more than appropriate for the way I feel right now.

This has been one of those weekends that has left me speechless. All I can say is, "Wow", and the moments we need sometimes appear in the ways we least expect to encounter them. The people in my life who know the details share an odd mixture of feelings--from complete disgust to questioning my sanity to genuine congratulations.

I tend to be rather vague on this blog out of respect for others' privacy, and I will continue to do so here. What I will share is that I've been in a bit of an emotional coma for the last few months. It's been bad--far worse than most people realize. Perhaps they will return, but they've certainly been assuaged by the smile of someone who has completely stolen my heart...for now.

I suppose it's no secret that I've been decimated from time to time by the men in my life. In the last few years I've shared how those pieces have been slowly coming together again. I needed to feel socially acceptable. I needed to have fun. I needed to feel like a woman. I needed to embrace other cultures. Lately, I've felt like I needed to be nurtured, and that's what I found in the most unlikely of places. In fact, I woke this morning and looked at the sky and uttered, "Thank you, Lord, for this."

He's beautiful. He's kind. He's got the most innocent smile I've ever seen. He's also managed to instinctively wrap his caramel macchiato hands around my soul. I think he summed it up best with some of his parting words to me tonight--translated, of course: "Just close your eyes and there will be the memories of this moment."

He followed this with "I love you", and I know those words spring from a very true place inside him. I also know that time may change the meaning with new contexts, but for right now, it's just what I needed to hear. And that's okay. I've come to accept that some people and places are meant to be moments recorded only in the recesses of memory.

For a change, I am happy. I am at peace with myself. I am going to sleep tonight with some beautiful memories and a heart full of gratitude.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trying to Keep It All Together

The title of this post is a bit of a misnomer. Just this morning I said, "I'm having a hard time getting it together right now." I'm in one of those periods when showing up is the best I can offer, and I can't even guarantee that. That said, I just popped on here to share that I'm struggling. I'm dealing with a lot of loss right now. Some of it is easy to spot. Some of it I've tucked away because it's either terribly painful or terribly embarrassing--at least to me. Some of it was inevitable. Some of it was a surprise. All of it rises up into the center of my chest and begs me to stop for a moment to acknowledge it. It's doing that right now even as I type this. I'm having a hard time getting it together right now.
Post a Comment
Read more

Welcome 2010

This has been an interesting beginning to the new year. The evening began with a beer and air hockey challenge, which I handily lost. This was followed with some extreme go cart racing and more beer, a dinner that consisted of leftovers from one of my favorite South Carolina restaurants and homemade fried zucchini. And more beer. I saw "The Hangover" for the fourth time and laughed like an idiot. After the ball dropped in Times Square, I saw pieces of "Public Enemy" and finally crawled into bed around 2:00 a.m. and stayed there until 11:00 this morning. I spent today playing with a dog, watching college football, and hanging out with one of my current favorite people. I don't do the whole new year resolution thing. However, I do believe in taking a look at the lessons I've learned and the experiences that have unfolded for me in the previous year. Anyone who reads this blog can already figure out that my divorce, running, and dating again have greatly influe...
5 comments
Read more

Pardon the Interruption

It's 10:00. My race clothes are laying across the top of the dog crate. I've already consumed my all-natural sleep aid. The alarm is set for 4:45 in the morning. I should be sleeping, but my mind is spinning at an unnatural rate. Remember this poem ? The subject of that poem married just a few weeks ago, and I just finished looking through his wedding photos. It's a strange feeling. Not one of loss. Or Regret. Or even wistfulness. I'm thoroughly happy for both of them in a way that will seriously not make sense to most of the people I know. I suppose there will always be an odd sense of knowing in a situation like this. I know the feel of those lips. I've seen that look in his eyes. What I felt for him was real and pure and drives the feeling of satisfaction that is currently overwhelming me. I love knowing that he's in love--even if it's not with me. I even saved my favorite photo to my computer because the image stirred something in me that needs to be sti...
3 comments
Read more