Skip to main content

Just a man

It's been a while.

I've been overwhelmed with a life that has been filled with preparing and teaching lessons, keeping up with master's work, and all the other minute details of my life, and sharing as much time as possible with the amazing man who has stolen my heart.

This relationship has been different from the start, and I have learned much about myself and the nature of relationships. I don't talk about the nuances of our relationship with everyone in my inner circle because I'm trying to trust my instinct for a change. I've discovered that I need more attention than I initially thought and being vulnerable is the most frightening and most rewarding thing I've ever been.

It's been a precarious place for me--seeking the balance between moving forward in the discovery process and being willing to lose if that's the end result. I've done a fabulous job carving out a life for myself after a very painful marriage and divorce. This new chapter is an interesting process, and not without its own struggles.

Last week, I sat at my desk before the first bell and looked at the pictures of us resting on my desk. The thought occurred to me, "He's so beautiful." This was immediately followed with, "He's just a man."

I found such comfort in that thought. As amazing as this man is...for all the wonder and joy he has brought to my life...he's human. And I'm human. He will disappoint me. He is not able to meet all the needs in my life. He cannot be the sole source of my happiness and existence. The same is true of my role in his life. That realization opened a new level of appreciation for him and what we share.

This came up in our first argument:
Well, I guess now you know you're in love with a human.

Obviously...and so are you.

As he says, "It's all part of the game of love." When I asked if he was willing to play it with me, he replied, "I AM playing it with you."

Seriously, how can you not love that?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tough As Nails

I found "The Chub" last night. This is a small, thick spiral notebook that I had carried around with me for several weeks last winter and spring. Its sole purpose was to be an immediate reservoir for any brilliant ideas I had during the day. The only thing I ever wrote in there (besides grocery lists and bill schedules) was during my family's reunion-birthday-anniversary cruise last January. My words were interesting, and I clearly remembered writing them on the little boat that took my aunt, sister, and cousin to go snorkeling in the Bahamas. The funny part was that I wrote about how the breeze was making the weariness "seep from my bones". I read it yesterday while I was home from work. That is, after I was sent home for nearly fainting during a class. Apparently, the look of my skin was so bad that my students thought I was pulling a Halloween prank. While driving myself home, I was thinking about the recent events that led me to the afternoon and how embarra
1 comment
Read more

The Transformation Begins

Do you ever feel like your life is a movie? I hope so because I certainly do, complete with an occasional out-of-body experience and a soundtrack. Right now, I hear Journey in the background and see myself out running each morning, conquering the evil vacuum cleaner, and throwing away my old flannel shirt. The last few days were interesting. My husband and I had few good fights...and lots of laughs. I can't help but think they were related. I know they are. The fights were about establishing boundaries. We finished our budget for June and updated our to do list. At the end of the day, he was completed something he had to have done, and I was working on final edits for my book. I'm really proud of us. We looked at our situation together, set some goals, and we reached them. I'm really proud of him, too. He's the kind of man who doesn't stop until he's completed what he had in mind. I love that tenacity. I guess that's what makes us a good match. I see the big
4 comments
Read more

Frustrated Readers Make Great Fans

I haven’t felt this betrayed by a story line since Neo learned that not only was he not the first person to challenge the Matrix, but he was part of the plan all along. Even though I was sorely disappointed in what appeared to be a cop-out story line, I can understand the logic in that disappointing plot twist. I can’t say the same for Stephenie Meyer’s conclusion to her wildly popular “Twilight” series. Look, I’ve read each of the first three books at least twice, and my grad school entrance paper was a character analysis of Edward Cullen. I loved these books. I read “New Moon” and “Eclipse” in a single day. I’ve been discussing the plot lines and characters with my students for the last two years. It was a long wait for this final book. And a huge part of me wishes I was still waiting. It was that much of a letdown. I’m still debating just how to tiptoe through my inevitable conversations with students about this part of the “Twilight” saga. My students were embarrassed enough by th
5 comments
Read more