Skip to main content

Stranger Obligations

I had to make a few difficult decisions this week. At least, they were difficult for me. I wish I could be the kind of person who completely makes decisions based on his/her own needs and wants and boldly moves through life with unabashed freedom from how our choices affect others.

But I'm not built like that.

I had placed an ad for my former stray. I felt like it was time to find her a more permanent home because so much in my life right now is uncertain. One person answered the ad, but she did not seem like a good fit, and I gave up further thought.

This week I received another response. As long as this person is telling the truth, it's an ideal situation for the dog. Yet, I had a strange feeling and could not sort out whether or not it was my intuition kicking in or that fact that I actually like the dog and don't want to see her go. In the end, I decided that it was in my own (and my Winnipeg's) best interest for her to stay with us through the summer. (I seriously cannot live with the thought that my Winnipeg would be "losing" me and her buddy.)

I decided to wait.

However, it's not that simple for me. I agonized over how to tell this person that I could not give her away right now. In my mind, I was going to disappoint this stranger. I worried about how he might react to the news and whether this was my only chance at finding her a suitable home. The what ifs chased me through the night and day, tormenting me with their fantasies. I didn't care that I would have to a make a very long drive to a house at the end of a very desolate dirt road. I didn't worry about whether or not this person was telling the truth. I had no concern about the fact that in less than 4 days I will be boarding a plane and still have a fence to repair, a house to clean, dog-keeping instructions to write, and all the wonderful items still waiting on my to-do list.

Why is it that I feel this strange obligation to others? Deep down, I really want to do the "right" thing and be straightforward in my intentions. I don't set out to hurt others, and I struggle with the potential of doing so. Yes, I know that life is full of disappointments, but I don't want to be the cause of them.

I have no answer to this, but I hope to find one at some point.

In the end, I composed a quick email apologizing and explaining that I cannot part with her now. We can look at it again at the end of the summer when I can be more focused.

Comments

Christy said…
If you find the answer, please share it with me. This obligation...I struggle with it daily.
7:18 PM
frabjouspoet said…
I'm relieved to know I'm not alone in this. I know where it comes from, but can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that sometimes it's okay to say that something doesn't work for me.
8:51 PM
Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
You are DEFINITELY not alone in this. Sometimes I even find that my "stranger obligation" overrides my true obligations to those that love me. It's a puzzle, it's a conundrum, it's a problem.

I also have no idea how to fix it. My first thought is... practice? Maybe the more we practice saying no when it doesn't work for us, the easier it will become?
2:02 PM
Christy said…
Becks - YES! I very often put my obligations to "others" ahead of my family's needs. Happens all the time and no matter how much it bothers me, it still happens!
4:33 AM
frabjouspoet said…
That's my point. I would gladly do things for others that I would not do for my own family. How does that happen?
4:15 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tough As Nails

I found "The Chub" last night. This is a small, thick spiral notebook that I had carried around with me for several weeks last winter and spring. Its sole purpose was to be an immediate reservoir for any brilliant ideas I had during the day. The only thing I ever wrote in there (besides grocery lists and bill schedules) was during my family's reunion-birthday-anniversary cruise last January. My words were interesting, and I clearly remembered writing them on the little boat that took my aunt, sister, and cousin to go snorkeling in the Bahamas. The funny part was that I wrote about how the breeze was making the weariness "seep from my bones". I read it yesterday while I was home from work. That is, after I was sent home for nearly fainting during a class. Apparently, the look of my skin was so bad that my students thought I was pulling a Halloween prank. While driving myself home, I was thinking about the recent events that led me to the afternoon and how embarra
1 comment
Read more

The Transformation Begins

Do you ever feel like your life is a movie? I hope so because I certainly do, complete with an occasional out-of-body experience and a soundtrack. Right now, I hear Journey in the background and see myself out running each morning, conquering the evil vacuum cleaner, and throwing away my old flannel shirt. The last few days were interesting. My husband and I had few good fights...and lots of laughs. I can't help but think they were related. I know they are. The fights were about establishing boundaries. We finished our budget for June and updated our to do list. At the end of the day, he was completed something he had to have done, and I was working on final edits for my book. I'm really proud of us. We looked at our situation together, set some goals, and we reached them. I'm really proud of him, too. He's the kind of man who doesn't stop until he's completed what he had in mind. I love that tenacity. I guess that's what makes us a good match. I see the big
4 comments
Read more

Frustrated Readers Make Great Fans

I haven’t felt this betrayed by a story line since Neo learned that not only was he not the first person to challenge the Matrix, but he was part of the plan all along. Even though I was sorely disappointed in what appeared to be a cop-out story line, I can understand the logic in that disappointing plot twist. I can’t say the same for Stephenie Meyer’s conclusion to her wildly popular “Twilight” series. Look, I’ve read each of the first three books at least twice, and my grad school entrance paper was a character analysis of Edward Cullen. I loved these books. I read “New Moon” and “Eclipse” in a single day. I’ve been discussing the plot lines and characters with my students for the last two years. It was a long wait for this final book. And a huge part of me wishes I was still waiting. It was that much of a letdown. I’m still debating just how to tiptoe through my inevitable conversations with students about this part of the “Twilight” saga. My students were embarrassed enough by th
5 comments
Read more