I'm sitting here crossed-legged on a bed with the sounds of the city quieted by the Christmas celebrations and Spanish-dubbed television. It's a bit strange to me to realize that this is simply my life now. Despite the fact that my friends have pointed out that at least I'm doing "nothing"...it is in another country. What I realize, though, is that ordinary is ordinary no matter where you are. What a beautiful Christmas this has been. In the Latin cultures, Christmas Eve is the more important day, and we had a delightful feast last night of lasagne, a variety of potatoes (sweet, salad, casserole), Dominican-style tamales, an amazing dish of plantains and ground beef (like a shepherd's pie), bread, and sweets. We all dressed as nicely as we could and listened to the Christmas story in Spanish before devouring the feast. Then all the gifts were brought out to the living room and left waiting for the morning. Apparently, the children tore into the gifts while

Last night I went for a walk. There's always been something about being outside under the night sky that allows me to connect...to slow my mind...to process the tidal wave of thoughts that often wreak havoc on my brain. There's so much there right now. This is the perfect time for me to pray, and I meander along the sidewalk with occasional glances up toward the stars. This is also when I find that odd little phrases spill out of my mouth. I've learned to pay attention to them, as they have often proved themselves true. Last night? "I just don't like myself right now." Instantly, I heard the words of Brene Brown in my head: shame happens when the way we are does not match up with the way we want to be perceived. I want to be perceived as intelligent. Lately, though, I've made some seriously stupid mistakes. I am skipping sleep and not taking care of myself the way I should. I think people are looking at me and thinking, "How can

I've been like a mad woman lately cleaning out my house. In the last six years I've managed to accumulate my fair share of extra possessions, and like trying to run with this extra twenty pounds on my body, I feel like this stuff is just weighing me down. It's suffocating. So I'm cleaning. In the process of this cleaning, I came across some old pictures. They are the first pictures that I have of my "new" post-divorce life. The one that had me running half marathons and traveling to other continents and feeling for the first time in a long time that my life had a sense of excitement...and purpose... ...and life. Seeing those pictures stoked some long dormant feelings in me and left me longing again for those moments when I felt like the rest of my life was waiting for me. I started to say here that I don't feel like I'm lacking anything, but the truth is that I am. In some ways, I have never felt this fulfilled. In others, I've never