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Cycle of Chaos

I went for my Sunday morning run this morning, and it turned into a walk as I talked with a friend. She let me ramble a bit about my current situation, and I eventually worked my way out of the circle of words and landed on the cycle that I'm stuck in.

I'm treading water right now in a sea of chaos. Let's ignore the pathological side of this for a minute and focus on the aspects of the chaos that are bothering me. Here's the deal:

1. My house is a mess.
2. When my house is a mess, I cannot concentrate.
3. When I cannot concentrate, I am not productive.
4. When I'm not productive, I cannot work.
5. When I cannot work, I cannot pay my bills.
6. When I cannot pay my bills, I worry.
7. When I worry, I waste time.

There's where I'm stuck.

My house is a mess because I live with someone who leaves items on tables, the floors, and counters. I live with someone who does not wash dishes and thinks it's okay to pile them on top of said tables, floors, and counters. Right now I'm looking at 4 empty beer cans, 3 soda cans, more cigarette packages than I can count, and an amount of cigarette ash that makes my stomach churn. It's embarrassing really, and every time I go to clean, I have flashbacks of when I had to clean my parents' apartment when my mom was sick. I've timed this. It takes 45-60 minutes each day to wash the dishes alone.

The problem with productivity is that I am the only person in this house who has not one, but two jobs. This is how the bills get paid. When I have to clean up messes that are not mine, I am taking time away from my second job. That job is how I'm working to clean up the financial mess I created when I consistently gave in to the puerile wants of the aforementioned messy person. Speaking of the financial mess, I'm trying to pay off the more than $100,000 I have accrued in the last few years. I own up to and accept the fact that I created the mess through my inability to say no.

So here I am trying to figure out how to stop the chaos. I made the decision to throw all the money I make from my second job at the debt. It's slow going, but I'm seeing some progress there, and it makes me feel better. I'm also using it to cash flow surprise items that I need. Again, I'm feeling better and like I have some control. So the bills are paid, and I'm back at the house.

How much control do I have over the situation? My options are to leave the mess the way it is and carve out a space for myself where I feel like I have a little peace. Perhaps the living room is a good place because it seems to be where I spend the most time. I think I can handle that. This room is the least cluttered, so it is probably the easiest to maintain.

I feel better now...so back to work.

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