Skip to main content

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

As a teenager, I loved the Psalmist's words: "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All your works are good; I know this full well." Every time I thought my nose was too big or my hair too blonde or not blonde enough or never combed the right way—you get the point—I would look in the mirror and remind myself that I was a work of the creator of the universe. Why is it that something so real to me during that time was eventually swept under the rug of my own insecurities? How did it lose meaning?

These words are alive and new within me today. For too long, I've been comparing myself with other people, making mental notes about how I measure up to their good qualities. I've kept lists of the traits I want to model in other people. Out shopping with my sister, I'd take one look at her and chastise myself for not always wearing matching shoes and belt. (Note to self: buy more belts.) I totally bought the line when my dear friend told me that even if you're going out to buy chewing gum, you needed to make sure you had on makeup and a perfect coif because you never knew who you'd run into. (Note to self: buy more ponytail holders.) After dinner at a friend's house, I'd feel guilty that my kitchen floor wasn't spotless—and I didn't have a three year old to chase around. (Note to self: buy a mop.)

I couldn't seem to get it right. And there's a good reason for that—that's not the way God created me. My synapses don't jump in those places. It gets even better: that's okay! You see, God knew just what He was doing all along. He created each of us to fit into His master plan. We're all pieces that are meant to work together. I don't have to be ashamed that I bought dog food today wearing a bandana over my ponytail, large hoop earrings, denim capris, flip flops, and a cardigan. (But I did have my mascara on!) I don't need to do the "walk of shame" on my way to the refrigerator. I'm not going to fight the tears the next time I see fish heads in the seafood department.

My soul is an artist. I'm late to appointments because I stop to soak in a ray of sunshine or laugh at quirky bumper sticker or talk to someone for too long. I don't like cluttered spaces (but a little dirt never hurts). Flowers make me smile. Old t.v. shows are my favorite comforter. I don't like potato chips or fruit (but I can never have enough peanut butter or cheese). I don't get lost even when I'm in unfamiliar territory. I feel deeply. I think way too much. Most people feel at home with me when we first meet. I love being on a stage. I doubt myself way too much. I'm extremely intelligent and have exceptional instincts. And there's so much more that makes my dear one roll his eyes!

This is such a freeing thought. I'm through wasting time trying to be something I'm not. It's time for all of us to raise the mantle and charge forward to change this whole "equality" nonsense that has pervaded our society. I finally found the ultimate equality today in realizing that I am truly unique...and only in celebrating that uniqueness will I be fully free.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Reflections on 2006

At some point near the end of December, I chronicle some of the major events of the passing year. I've been doing this since I was 13, and although it still seems a little hokey to me, I'll do this again for 2006. I started 2006 as a completely different person than the one sitting before my computer now typing these random thoughts. I speak my mind more (although still not enough). I've stood up for myself by saying no to people I love and refusing to eat potato chips just because they were "there". I actually purchased...and wore...and took a picture in a sleeveless shirt. I saw both the emergency room and Cancun during the middle of the night (and they both make fascinating stories). I started a whole new year of teaching and finally realized that it's not my calling. I learned that people are human just like me, and that it's okay to open up to them. In that vein, I've cultivated some amazing friendships with some truly wonderful women. I've se...

Running

Sunday night, after the sun set, I found myself in my front yard with Winnipeg. Something snapped under my feet, and I started running as fast as I could...wearing flip flops. And it felt so good to feel my legs push my body forward as my feet touched and lifted off the ground. My lungs filled with air. Good air that they have been craving. I felt like I was flying. Dogs are the perfect companion for such random moments, and she jumped right into the game. She's a faster runner than I am, and she can be a bit frightening to watch barreling forward because you think she won't stop. But she usually does. I'm still smiling at the thought of me and my dog running like maniacs in the front yard. As fast as we could. And laughing loudly. And not caring who might have seen it. Feet touch ground. Lift off. Pushes me forward. Flying. Lungs fill with air. Exhale. Pushes me forward. Satiated. Legs jump in the night. Dodges. Pushes me forward. Delight. Here there is no finish line. We ...

On Muchness

A dear friend confessed to me last night that he had lost his muchness and found it again. I confessed the same and even admitted the ridiculous series of events that recently sapped my own muchness. That little confession seemed to do wonders. It's so easy to fall out of step with myself. In fact, I do it quite naturally. Growing up in a Christian home, I took to heart the instructions to love my neighbor more than I love myself. Oh, wait! I just checked the scripture. "Love your neighbor as yourself." I may have been doing this the wrong way. I ended 2010 with the resolution that I would no longer make decisions out of fear. I am starting 2011 with the resolution to make decisions based on what I want. I've struggled with this because I've always believed that I should consider the needs and wants of others before my own. I'd like to think this is a valiant approach, but the truth is that it only leads to martyrdom...and I don't think I was given the opp...