My sister and I had a conversation last weekend that has haunted me all week. For one thing, just that fact that we had a conversation was a shocker. We haven't talked like this since February. Our interactions have been strained "how's the weather" discussions at two family weddings and a bridal shower. I suppose that's a story for another day, but suffice it to say that I've missed talking to her because as much as I hate to admit it sometimes, she knows pieces of me that no one else will ever understand. It must have something to do with our shared DNA.
She said something about how much it bothers her that people cannot be happy for another person's good fortune. I listened to her for a while, and we eventually hung up, but I haven't been able to shake her words since then. All week, I've thought about times when I sat back and sulked when everyone around me seemed to be riding along on the great train of life. Yeah, it's hard to jump up and applaud when you're the one left behind. Dr. Seuss was right: unslumping yourself is not easily done. At the same time, how fair is it to expect those around us to feel the same thrills we do for new milestones?
A few days later my brother called to tell me that he and his wife are expecting a baby next summer. I'm happy for them and cannot wait to have another nephew or neice. At the same time, if I had not been in the parking lot at work, I would have crawled under the covers and wasted away my day hiding from the sun. My sister's words echoed in my head, and I really searched my soul that morning. My happiness for them is genuine, but it's not as great as it would be if I wasn't in my current situation of hoping for a baby of my own. That is all I have to offer. For better or worse, that has to be enough.
She said something about how much it bothers her that people cannot be happy for another person's good fortune. I listened to her for a while, and we eventually hung up, but I haven't been able to shake her words since then. All week, I've thought about times when I sat back and sulked when everyone around me seemed to be riding along on the great train of life. Yeah, it's hard to jump up and applaud when you're the one left behind. Dr. Seuss was right: unslumping yourself is not easily done. At the same time, how fair is it to expect those around us to feel the same thrills we do for new milestones?
A few days later my brother called to tell me that he and his wife are expecting a baby next summer. I'm happy for them and cannot wait to have another nephew or neice. At the same time, if I had not been in the parking lot at work, I would have crawled under the covers and wasted away my day hiding from the sun. My sister's words echoed in my head, and I really searched my soul that morning. My happiness for them is genuine, but it's not as great as it would be if I wasn't in my current situation of hoping for a baby of my own. That is all I have to offer. For better or worse, that has to be enough.
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O Wandering desire, when will you be at rest?
Coveting, imagining, things not given yet.
The peace you need is waiting to fill your emptiness.
Be satisfied with Jesus... and nothing less.
And yet I often find myself eyeing the gifts of others, ones I wish I had, and neglecting to appreciate the ones that are already mine. Thanks for the reminder.
I love you.