Skip to main content

Make Sure You Use Your Ring Finger When You Dab That Wrinkle Cream Under My Eyes

It's been an exciting Saturday here in southwest Florida that started at 7:00 a.m. with me in the kitchen baking hashbrown casserole and baked ziti. Yep, the woman who has been known to bring a can of black olives for lunch because she had nothing left in the house that didn't have to be cooked turned on the oven this morning. I chopped and poured and shredded while wearing my pajamas and sipping my coffee.

You don't understand how rare this moment of domestication was for me. I've quickly evolved into a single woman who eats microwaveable food and washes the dishes only when she runs out of coffee cups. (Sadly, I've actually re-used a coffee cup or two just to stretch the dishwashing schedule.) Nonetheless, I had a baby shower brunch to attend and needed a freeze-able casserole to leave behind for the family.

If the fact that I actually cooked this morning wasn't odd enough, let me point out that I mentioned a BABY SHOWER on a Saturday before I had any wine to drink. I'm not a fan of showers that don't involve gray skies and high humidity. Does anyone really like wrapping a woman in toilet paper or microwaving chocolate bars in diapers? I think I'd rather cook myself a five course meal and wash the dirty dishes immediately after eating. Fortunately, the only game that we planned to play was chocolate Trivial Pursuit, and I heard that someone promised to bring sticky buns.

Sticky buns? On a non-running day? I know, that's ludicrous, right?

So the woman who lost her will to cook in the divorce and would happily spit in the face of the person who invented shower games actually went to a baby shower. We sat around the coffee table and ate and listened to music and talked about serious, life-altering topics like washing machines. Yep, washing machines. Front vs. top loaders. High efficiency detergent. The woes of being single and never having enough whites to actually make a full load. My head was spinning with all the possibilities!

Then we tackled floor cleaning appliances, and by the time we reached an intense debate over how to find the perfect broom, someone looked at me and mouthed, "really?" I was all like, "Dude, I use plastic utensils at home so I don't have to wash dishes until the coffee cups run out. This discussion is way out of my league." Then I turned on the never-ending Pearl Jam playlist in my head and belted out a few lines from "Once".

The sad part was the realization that we have all finally reached the point in life that an afternoon of appliance talk could actually be engaging. Then we all made sure to call our friend who couldn't attend the shower and fill her in on the wonders of The Shark tile cleaner.

What's next? Gray hair and crows' feet?

Comments

Christy said…
(shiver) Blech. I don't like 'em too ;)
Kudos on the casserole, though.

Popular posts from this blog

Reflections on 2006

At some point near the end of December, I chronicle some of the major events of the passing year. I've been doing this since I was 13, and although it still seems a little hokey to me, I'll do this again for 2006. I started 2006 as a completely different person than the one sitting before my computer now typing these random thoughts. I speak my mind more (although still not enough). I've stood up for myself by saying no to people I love and refusing to eat potato chips just because they were "there". I actually purchased...and wore...and took a picture in a sleeveless shirt. I saw both the emergency room and Cancun during the middle of the night (and they both make fascinating stories). I started a whole new year of teaching and finally realized that it's not my calling. I learned that people are human just like me, and that it's okay to open up to them. In that vein, I've cultivated some amazing friendships with some truly wonderful women. I've se...

Running

Sunday night, after the sun set, I found myself in my front yard with Winnipeg. Something snapped under my feet, and I started running as fast as I could...wearing flip flops. And it felt so good to feel my legs push my body forward as my feet touched and lifted off the ground. My lungs filled with air. Good air that they have been craving. I felt like I was flying. Dogs are the perfect companion for such random moments, and she jumped right into the game. She's a faster runner than I am, and she can be a bit frightening to watch barreling forward because you think she won't stop. But she usually does. I'm still smiling at the thought of me and my dog running like maniacs in the front yard. As fast as we could. And laughing loudly. And not caring who might have seen it. Feet touch ground. Lift off. Pushes me forward. Flying. Lungs fill with air. Exhale. Pushes me forward. Satiated. Legs jump in the night. Dodges. Pushes me forward. Delight. Here there is no finish line. We ...

On Muchness

A dear friend confessed to me last night that he had lost his muchness and found it again. I confessed the same and even admitted the ridiculous series of events that recently sapped my own muchness. That little confession seemed to do wonders. It's so easy to fall out of step with myself. In fact, I do it quite naturally. Growing up in a Christian home, I took to heart the instructions to love my neighbor more than I love myself. Oh, wait! I just checked the scripture. "Love your neighbor as yourself." I may have been doing this the wrong way. I ended 2010 with the resolution that I would no longer make decisions out of fear. I am starting 2011 with the resolution to make decisions based on what I want. I've struggled with this because I've always believed that I should consider the needs and wants of others before my own. I'd like to think this is a valiant approach, but the truth is that it only leads to martyrdom...and I don't think I was given the opp...