Little darling... the smiles returning to the faces... little darling... it seems like years since it's been here. I cannot believe that I'm quoting The Beatles since I find myself continuously clicking the dislike button every time they appear on Pandora. However, I do like this song, and it's more than appropriate for the way I feel right now. This has been one of those weekends that has left me speechless. All I can say is, "Wow", and the moments we need sometimes appear in the ways we least expect to encounter them. The people in my life who know the details share an odd mixture of feelings--from complete disgust to questioning my sanity to genuine congratulations. I tend to be rather vague on this blog out of respect for others' privacy, and I will continue to do so here. What I will share is that I've been in a bit of an emotional coma for the last few months. It's been bad--far worse than most people realize. Perhaps they will return, but they...

I just recently found out that one of my colleagues is facing a divorce. I ran into this person in the hall today, and the unmistakeable look of shock was firmly planted in the eyes. The vacuous stare of someone facing what is arguably one of the most painful experiences known to man. We chatted briefly. The exchange was simple. "Life throws you curve balls sometimes." I replied with, "Yes, sometimes it just sucks." In my mind I added, "...the life right out of you." I know that look well. In fact, I recognize it instantly. This pressed on my mind for the remainder of the day, and I found myself realizing that marriage is certainly more than just a piece of paper. I think the pain surrounding a divorce is firmly rooted in the realization that you made a commitment...a vow that is now broken. Something in the loss of that promise is just simply painful in a way that words can never completely express. There are so many curve balls that life throws... Death....

During the last week or so I've been dealing with some heavy, heavy feelings of jealousy. They hit me hard, and I struggled to suppress them. I talked. I let them fester. I really tried my best because every Christian instinct in me said these were bad, bad feelings. I've switched my sleeping habits lately and started waking at 3 a.m. This has always been my favorite time of day. No one is on the computer. No one is available by phone. I am alone with my thoughts and my music and my journal. So far, I have discovered many different pieces of myself that need to be reigned in and adjusted. In the process I discovered that jealousy is directly tied to feelings of being invisible and unappreciated, and the words of one of my foreign friends echoed in my head. "You need to take care of yourself." As a result, I decided to do one thing each day to make myself happy. One thing. Yesterday, it was a walk in the dark. I tripped four times and was doused by sprinklers. Today is...