Skip to main content

Shock

I just recently found out that one of my colleagues is facing a divorce. I ran into this person in the hall today, and the unmistakeable look of shock was firmly planted in the eyes. The vacuous stare of someone facing what is arguably one of the most painful experiences known to man.

We chatted briefly. The exchange was simple. "Life throws you curve balls sometimes." I replied with, "Yes, sometimes it just sucks." In my mind I added, "...the life right out of you."

I know that look well. In fact, I recognize it instantly.

This pressed on my mind for the remainder of the day, and I found myself realizing that marriage is certainly more than just a piece of paper. I think the pain surrounding a divorce is firmly rooted in the realization that you made a commitment...a vow that is now broken. Something in the loss of that promise is just simply painful in a way that words can never completely express.

There are so many curve balls that life throws... Death. Loss. We are surrounded by pain. Yet, in many ways, divorce creates a cavern of ache because there is no end. Knowing that the person to whom you vowed to spend you life is still living and breathing forces you to face the loss on a regular basis.

In an odd way, this reaffirmed my belief that we still find marriage something worth holding on to and fighting for. I needed this because my experience in the dating world could very easily lead one to believe that nothing matters.

And yet, it does. That makes me feel just a little more at peace.

I know that there is life on the other side of the dissolution of marriage papers. I live it each day. Yet, it still breaks my heart to know that others still face it. I wish there was a way to avoid the pain, but as a dear friend of mine once told me, "People deal with that they have in the best way possible."

And we carry on...

Comments

Christy said…
I like these thoughts on marriage.
10:15 PM
Rebecca Jeffries-Hyman said…
I can recognize the "shock look" too and remember it well. Thankful for those people (C) who forced themselves to keep looking at me when I wore it.
8:04 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tough As Nails

I found "The Chub" last night. This is a small, thick spiral notebook that I had carried around with me for several weeks last winter and spring. Its sole purpose was to be an immediate reservoir for any brilliant ideas I had during the day. The only thing I ever wrote in there (besides grocery lists and bill schedules) was during my family's reunion-birthday-anniversary cruise last January. My words were interesting, and I clearly remembered writing them on the little boat that took my aunt, sister, and cousin to go snorkeling in the Bahamas. The funny part was that I wrote about how the breeze was making the weariness "seep from my bones". I read it yesterday while I was home from work. That is, after I was sent home for nearly fainting during a class. Apparently, the look of my skin was so bad that my students thought I was pulling a Halloween prank. While driving myself home, I was thinking about the recent events that led me to the afternoon and how embarra
1 comment
Read more

Busy Days Ahead

It's been a busy week for me. I left my house at 4:30 Monday morning for my drive down south and pulled back in my driveway at 1:20 this morning. The days have been long, too, between working at the new school from 7:30 until 3:00 or 4:00 and then working at the new place until 9:00 or 10:00 each night. I now have callouses on my fingers and not one intact finger nail. I think I've also developed a new twitch somewhere on my face. One afternoon this week, I stood in the middle of our new living room and took in the sight of missing drywall, a growing hole in the floor and soaked up my husband's predictions that we still won't be ready to paint by the weekend. All I wanted to do was cry. All I felt was nothingness. Numbness. Anyone who has ever reached the point of numbness knows that it's scarier than feeling like you're falling apart. It's one step beyond feeling like you're falling apart. I couldn't help but wonder just what we had gotten ourselves
5 comments
Read more

So Not the Party Girl

In an effort to be more social, I agreed to participate in the first annual cookie exchange at work this morning. I've never done an cookie exchange before, and that fact alone didn't bode well for my social phobia, perfectionist tendencies, and leeriness about eating food from other people's kitchens. But I persevered. My grandmother recommended her favorite cookie recipe (which is actually a cake recipe--cut into bars). Last night I whipped up a delightful batch and licked the icing bowl clean...after I spread the bulk of it on the cookies. I wrapped everything in some plastic bowls and topped them with a Christmas bow. All was well until I was 1 dozen cookies short. At 10:45 last night I drove 7 miles to the nearest store (Walgreens) and then drove another mile to the Winn-Dixie for powdered sugar. I washed dishes as I listened to Letterman, and I was finally in bed around 12:30. And up again at 4:45. The cookie exchange was DELIGHTFUL. I laughed as I sipped black coffee
6 comments
Read more