The elevator door opened to a simply furnished lobby, and a kind man greeted us. I explained that we had a 4 p.m. appointment, to which he replied that the appointment was for 3. As soon as I could, I checked my phone to see the text message I sent immediately after making the appointment. It was for 4. I knew it was for 4 because there was no way we could have made it there in time for a 3:00 appointment. This was an interesting experience for me because I didn't feel the need to prove I was right. I didn't berate myself or question myself. I know the time of the appointment I set. End of story. Unfortunately, this isn't always easy to do when someone presents information different from what you know to be true, In fact, sometimes it's really difficult. There is a term in the therapy world called gaslighting. Named for a movie in which a husband keeps a gas light burning all night yet tells his wife that it's not on. He essentially convinces her that she's

Last week NPR interviewed one of the writers from Amy Schumer's show. I have never seen the show, and I know little about the woman apart from her appearance on Saturday Night Live. I did, however, hear the clip played during that interview. It involved a group of pregnant women talking (and on-upping each other) about their birth plans. The punch line was that everything was "better for the baby," and I laughed loudly at comments about giving birth as far away from medical intervention as possible and opting for a sand birth like the sea turtles do. As I finished driving home, I thought a lot about that sketch, and it amplified my sadness at the way we interact with each other. It bothers me greatly the way we compare ourselves with others, especially out of a need to feel okay with ourselves--our lives and our choices. Quite honestly, I'm tired of it and by it and the way these little shaming techniques strike at us. Ten years ago when I was working with a therapi

I read this blog this morning as I searched for answers to how to set boundaries with a spouse. The idea of boundaries is not new to me. I still remember my aunt telling me YEARS ago about her favorite part in This Present Darkness, when the lead character is running through a field looking for the fences. She told me that this scene is symbolic of the fences in our lives, and that as long as we know where the boundaries are, we free to act as we wish within them. Setting Boundaries with a Cheating Ex: My Story We need to know the limits of what we can say and how we can act toward other people. Sometimes this is very easy to do. Sometimes it seems impossible to do. Yet, the issue, I've found, is not in setting the boundary or knowing when someone has crossed it. It's following through. When my first husband had a friendship with his secretary that was troublesome to me, I told him. I said that to me, it was not appropriate for a married man to talk to a married woman at al