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Crazy Love

Driving home one day this week, my head was swirling with too many thoughts to track. How are we going to pay our bills on my salary? When will I be able to blow dry my hair without fear of keeping someone awake? How much more money is my husband going to spend on the new place? When will he be back at work? How am I going to get my 5th and 7th periods to "buy into" this reading thing? Will I ever convince them that they can trust me? Where can I find the time to formulate a plan to help them?

I was already in tears as I thought about the social obstacles these kids face. The poverty in this town is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I can handle the sights of it, but I am still struggling with some of the hidden rules in their community. They don't believe they can trust anyone in authority. Education is too abstract a concept because the results are not immediate. They are so far behind their grade level that most of them have just given up. I've watched the tears well in their eyes as they share with me their frustrations about learning. They want it, but the social ideas ingrained in them are a formidable stumbling block.

All these ideas were fighting for position in my head, and the whole grand picture of the world for me was filled with sadness and pain and heartache. Yet, I was staring at bright green fields against a striking blue sky background. This is life—the great paradox. It's growth and stagnation. Darkness and light. Beauty and distortion. Mess and order. There were no whys in my head, just the knowledge that this is what it is.

That's when I was aware of the presence of God. His crazy love is built right into the mess of life. It's the only thing that makes any of this make sense. God is here in the midst of all this chaos around me...and you. We don't always need answers, we just need to know and trust in the greater scheme around us. It made me think of this song:

We believe in God, and we all need Jesus.
'Cause life is hard, and it might not get easier.
But don't be afraid to know who you are,
Don't be afraid to show it.

That about sums it up for me.

P.S. Ohhh....I almost forgot my big surprise this week! I will soon be receiving a copy of Amy Grant's new book, Mosaic, so I can read it and write a review. I am part of the "blog tour". I cannot wait!

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Christy said…
That's all very true. That's why my blog is titled as it is. I firmly believe that God is most present when we let go of our "whys" and, even if it's just for a moment, embrace the reality of this life as it is.
And - I'm jealous that you get a copy of Amy's book! Please link up to your review when it's done! (or will it be on this blog?)
5:09 PM
frabjouspoet said…
I can't help but think this realization is all part of the process. There is some heavy work going on in my life right now. You know, I am finding great comfort in just accepting the moments. Not that it's any easier dealing with my crabby husband or my fears about being myself around people. It just reminds me that something greater than me is at work.

The review will be on this blog.
6:36 PM
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