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It's Late and I'm Up

Right now I'm jealous. I'm envious. I want something that I see in other people.

I want a cause. I want an idea that moves me. I want to wake in the morning inspired by something beyond my control. I want to give my life away for something greater than myself.

I look around and see that my life has spun far out of control. It's cluttered and suffocated by boxes of trinkets and too much credit card debt. This isn't me.

I once said to my therapist that I really don't care what other people think of me, but that I thought I was supposed to care, so I forced myself to do so.

There's a reason I'm created this way. There's a reason why my greatest drive in life to live my life. There's a reason why following the "rules" has left me feeling empty.

I think I need to drop out of the race. I'm cleaning out the closets of my house and my head. I haven't felt this sure of anything in a long time.

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Matthew Hughes said…
I have that desire. I used to lack that desire. I used to fill it with a great deal of things. Even "rules." I don't anymore. I have been learning alot about grace. I keep going because of the gratititude and energy I find in knoing Go's grace. There is a book that has helped me. It is called "The REST of The Gospel." I have learned to rest in God. And how the rest God provides is not one of inactivity.

Book: The Rest of the Gospel: When the Partial Gospel Has Worn You Out By; Dan Stone.

This is the book Becky really likes dealing with the same issues:
The Confident Woman: Knowing Who You Are in Christ by Anabel Gillham
10:16 PM
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