I just finished loading boxes into my vehicle. Before I drove to Kissimmee last night, my dear one told me to "load up as many boxes as possible." This tells me that 1. We will be moving in to the new place very soon; and 2. I haven't boxed up as much stuff as I thought I had.
When I signed up for this new stage in my life, this was not exactly what I had in mind. I am *still* sleeping on the floor in our friends' house...still eating way too much fast food...still driving six hours each weekend...still wearing the same clothes and flip-flops to work each week...still going to work with bare ears...still waiting to see how our money situation is going to work out. It's the earrings situation that really gets to me.
I had a rather emotional week. The a/c condenser in my truck went out, and my lovable, gear-head husband took it one evening so he could replace the part. This gave me a chance to sit in the new place during a fabulous thunderstorm. The batteries in my portable t.v. died, and I curled up with my journal and wrote. And cried. And grieved a very difficult loss for me. What a beautiful moment!
I also flipped through my journal that evening and came across a very brief entry I wrote in February. We had gone to the concert of my dear friend and former boss that night and went back stage to say hello to him and his family. I wrote about how when he saw me, he grabbed me and held me in a hug tighter than I've ever felt in my life and half-sobbed, "Oh, my Allison!" in my ears. I can't even put into words just how loved I felt in that moment. I needed that reminder this week.
It was such an interesting juxtaposition for me. This year has been a year of loss for me. Nadia moved. I left my comfortable job. My sister stopped speaking to me. My loss this week cut even deeper than these. Yet, I still have hope. I still sense promise. I still believe that the dust will eventually settle, my mind will rest, and everything around me will fall into place.
In the end, I suppose this is what life is really all about.
When I signed up for this new stage in my life, this was not exactly what I had in mind. I am *still* sleeping on the floor in our friends' house...still eating way too much fast food...still driving six hours each weekend...still wearing the same clothes and flip-flops to work each week...still going to work with bare ears...still waiting to see how our money situation is going to work out. It's the earrings situation that really gets to me.
I had a rather emotional week. The a/c condenser in my truck went out, and my lovable, gear-head husband took it one evening so he could replace the part. This gave me a chance to sit in the new place during a fabulous thunderstorm. The batteries in my portable t.v. died, and I curled up with my journal and wrote. And cried. And grieved a very difficult loss for me. What a beautiful moment!
I also flipped through my journal that evening and came across a very brief entry I wrote in February. We had gone to the concert of my dear friend and former boss that night and went back stage to say hello to him and his family. I wrote about how when he saw me, he grabbed me and held me in a hug tighter than I've ever felt in my life and half-sobbed, "Oh, my Allison!" in my ears. I can't even put into words just how loved I felt in that moment. I needed that reminder this week.
It was such an interesting juxtaposition for me. This year has been a year of loss for me. Nadia moved. I left my comfortable job. My sister stopped speaking to me. My loss this week cut even deeper than these. Yet, I still have hope. I still sense promise. I still believe that the dust will eventually settle, my mind will rest, and everything around me will fall into place.
In the end, I suppose this is what life is really all about.
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